Godly Motherhood Podcast - Episode 136 - Losing Myself in Motherhood
Welcome to the Godly Motherhood podcast. If you’re a mom, you can’t parent in your strength. You aren’t supposed to. On this podcast I’ll encourage you to rest and abide in the Father’s arms. Through Him, you’ll be carried - and capable of raising each unique child entrusted to your care as you teach them to chase Christ over culture moment by moment.
Before we start this episode, I want to invite you to be “FOUND.” If you feel like you’re losing yourself in motherhood or marriage, you need help combating anxiety, burnout, or guilt, or you need to find your sense of purpose, email me at info@terrihitt.com and mention the word, “FOUND.” You CAN move past surviving and get to thriving.
When was the last time you thought or said these words: “I feel lost.” “I feel like I’m moving through quicksand trying to keep up with everything.” “I feel like I’m slowly dying.” “How is everyone else thriving while I’m barely surviving?”
If you’ve ever carried these thoughts (or something close), you’re not alone. I’ve heard moms share them several times. These isolating words are actually phrases that bind many women together. Each one silently feels like she’s the only one experiencing a less than perfect attitude or living less than perfect days.
Please know you’re not alone. You don’t have to feel like you are – and you don’t have to stay where you are.
Women tend to ruminate. Feel deeply. We spend hours and energy at work – guilty because we’re not at home. Then when we are home, we obsess about work. We feel the pressure to work hours like we did before we became a parent - coupled with the expectation to remain a nurturing wife and mother. Meanwhile, we have huge responsibilities keeping our mind occupied like it’s still at work. Even when we stay home with the kids, the pressure for perfection persists. But we smile and say everything’s fine while wondering how to get things to change.
Let’s admit it. The emotional demands of motherhood can drain the strongest of women. It’s not only the responsibilities we face; it’s the fact that we continue to take more on while in the midst of wondering how we’re going to get what we’re already committed to accomplished. That’s when feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, or depression can overtake any joy we thought we’d experience, even if all we ever wanted to do was become a mother. When you’re feeling unappreciated or unseen, daily responsibilities turn joy you thought you’d feel into overwhelm you can’t escape.
Right along with emotional demands, the mental demands of work, relationships, and home, such as cooking, cleaning, shopping, and everything motherhood entails, can make a woman feel she’s losing her identity. That’s when women begin to define themselves by one of the many responsibilities she carries, such as mom, wife, employee, caregiver, etc. The deeper her identity is shaped by this role, all other expectations become more challenging. Now feeling trapped in the identity most used, needed, or pressed on her, she begins to feel isolated. Withdrawn. A shell of herself. A pressure to excel in all roles becomes more of a pain than a pleasure, and there’s no balance or fulfillment in any role. It’s now even harder to justify making time to just…be. To breath. To learn, grow, or enjoy this journey called life.
Once her mental and emotional capacity is at red-alert, ready to blow the top, she drops physically. Sick, fatigued, and lifeless, nothing brings joy except the thought of fleeing from it all. Feeling like she’s drowning in anxiety, she wonders when the next pressure will burn out the tiny flame that is supposed to be flickering inside. She just wants to escape to rest and recuperate, but the demands keep hitting until she barely survives each moment, let alone hours to the next day.
Worried that she can’t survive financially if she quits her job, or fearful that she can’t ask her husband for help where she needs it, because she’ll be judged or feel inadequate, resentment toward her spouse and self - take root.
Spiritually, she’s a mess. While her heart once loved Jesus beyond all else, she now wonders if He feels as ashamed of her as she does herself. She wonders why the Lord hasn’t swooped in to rescue her.
Thoughts like, “Isn’t it the woman’s job to ‘do it all’” circulate in her mind until they control her actions and reactions. She craves the perfect home everyone on Instagram seems to have. But her furniture is covered in months of dust and she can’t remember the last time she changed her bed sheets. Is it possible to craft a routine that enables her to do it all? Could she just get one secret that would help her organize a little bit better or get faster at the chores piling up?
If only she had support, She wishes she he wouldn’t feel inept if she asked for relief. Afraid to tell her friends how she feels, she smiles and acts like everything’s perfect, while weeping inside and feeling more lonely than before. Her husband used to gaze at her with pride, but now it feels like his eyes reflect disappointment. Or is that what she’s seeing shining from her own gaze?
When she stays home with the kids, boredom and repetition rule the day, and when she works outside the home, time becomes an enemy that sucks her soul along with moments while she waits to get back home.
If any of these situations is you…there is hope. Relief. I don’t want you to live in overwhelm when you can have joy. That’s why I offered the program at the start of this episode. I know it will help you see there is a lifeline.
For now, you know where I’m going to send you. To your knees. To the Father.
Though the remedies sound elementary or repetitious, hear me out. Reading the Word regularly, even when you truly are in a season where you don’t have time willchange your perspective. Most of the time, we simply don’t want to read the Word enough to devote ourselves to MAKE time to do so. Even ten minutes. We think we’ll get to it later. We think ten minutes won’t make a difference so we wait until we have more time…but that day never comes. If you’re really in a spot where you’re challenged to read, maybe you’re caring for elderly parents andbabies, or you have other obligations that make including Bible reading challenging, listen to the Word. Pull it up on your phone. Then continue looking for times to sit down to read. Anything is doable on the hardest and most challenging of schedules IF you value the end-result enough.
Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
No matter what conditions you face, what pain you’ve lived, what fears you face, God is able. He’s able to remove the difficulties and He’s able to carry you through them. The old saying, “God won’t give you more than you can manage” is a lie. He will give you more. Way more. You’d better believe there’s a grand purpose for allowing it in your life and at this time. You aren’t enough to manage what comes your way, but He is.
The truth is that God won’t give you more than He can manage. He wants you to come to Himwith everything. He wants you operating in His strength, not trying to manage on your own. He is present. He is sovereign. He is in control. He will allow whatever it takes to bring those who belong to Him closer and more Christlike each moment.
Remember, whatever season you’re facing is not going to last forever. Even when it seems like it. Even when it feels like a nightmare. I don’t know where you are or what you’re facing. But God does. Invite Him to carry you. Release self to Him.
Take the first step of committing to read the Word regularly. Pray for God to open your eyes, heart, and mind to what He is saying. Study Bible notes and look for ways to apply whatever you read in your life. I’ve discovered newfound inspiration from reading Nehemiah. I’m amazed at how powerful Scripture is. Just like the Bible tells us. You can read a verse or passage at various times in your life and have it finally make sense just when you need it. Or you can read it over and over and find new meaning that brings your faith clearer and deeper – and wider. More rooted.
Ask God to change your heart and mind where you need it. Instead of simply praying that God change others or change a situation, ask Him to transform yourmind, heart, and spirit into what He desires for your good and His glory. It won’t always be easy. His answers may not be easy. But they may be easy. Do it anyway. Then rest and abide in His arms. His care. His control. His Word promises that He has better for you than you can imagine for yourself.
Ephesians 3:20 says, “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”
As you invite God to work in You, taking thoughts captive for Christ, begin to look at where you can change your circumstances.
Pray for wisdom, insight, and discernment.
You might have to shift priorities. Look for any that can be shifted. Rearranged. Stopped for a while - or let go of for good.
Prioritize and create boundaries. People will take as much as you give. You must prioritize God, family, and self. The rest can be added or subtracted as needed. In the Christian space people talk often about guarding your heart. You must also practice guarding your walk with God and ensure that you do the same for your family.
Delegate. Swallow pride and ask for help. It doesn’t mean you failed. It doesn’t mean you can’t do as much as someone else. It means you’re aware of the fact that you don’t have to.
Ask God to show you what needs to be done to keep you in alignment with His good and perfect plans to give you and your family a hope and a future. To give you good and show His glory.
One of the most challenging truths to remember when we’re faced with hardships is that our thoughts and feelings aren’t always accurate. It’s crucial (even when we think we can’t do it) to be in God’s Word. Only the Lord and His truths can renew your mind and refresh your soul. Your thoughts cannot be His thoughts. Your ways cannot be His ways. Unless you are immersed in maturing relationship with God through Jesus, the Word, and prayer. The only way to discern whether your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are accurate is whether they align with God’s truths as proven in Scripture.
Share all your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with God. Let your spouse know you need help. Sometimes hope and help are just beyond our fingers, but we’re too prideful, afraid, or feel guilty to reach out for it. None of those emotions are from God. He offers the relief, comfort, and help we need in the ways that are individually perfect for us and that bring us to Him in deeper communion.
Please let God’s truth rule your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Never give up hope. Keep looking Up. You don’t have to lose yourself as a wife, mother, or in any other role in your life…unless it’s in the Father’s arms. He is waiting to carry you.
Dear Heavenly Father, You are the Great I Am, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the One who created us. You know us intimately and love us beyond measure. Father forgive us for thoughts that can rage inside us as we go from day to day. So often we fear the world more than the Way and we get caught up in comparison, doubt, or get too busy to seek You. Forgive us. Guide us back to the path You have for us. One that won’t harm us, but will fill us with the joys of our hearts. Only You know the way to our heart and deepest desires because You created us with purpose. Help us be the set-apart women You created us to be. Help us have joy, not overwhelm, laughter and love, instead of anxiety. Reach us where we need You most. Help us see You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life. In Jesus’s precious, holy name we pray. Amen.
If you’re experiencing any of the feelings you heard on this episode, don’t wait another moment. Continue prayerfully seeking God through Scripture and prayer. Find a mentor to guide you with godly methods and truths that will lead you to the Source of freedom you deserve.
I also have a free resource you’ll find helpful as you navigate your daily routine as a mom. If you’re ready to become the godly mother God entrusts you to be for Him and His children, you’ll love my free “Good to Godly: A 31-Day Scripture and Prayer Guide for Moms.” Visit terrihitt.com to receive this resource.
Time is short. Leave a legacy that lasts into eternity. Unless you’re purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will sway your children away from Christ. Focus on eternal purpose and connection with your children and Christ.