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Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 077 - Understanding the Unique Needs of Each Child - Why Parenting Can't Be One Size Fits All

Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 077 - Understanding the Unique Needs of Each Child - Why Parenting Can't Be One Size Fits All

Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 077 – Understanding the Unique Needs of Each Child: Why Parenting Can’t Be One Size Fits All

When my mother was alive, she adored Christmas. I know one of her love languages was gifts, because she enjoyed shopping and buying lots of presents at Christmastime. She loved Christmas festivities and no one could decorate a tree as beautifully as my mother did. Whether you saw a store-bought or handmade ornament hanging from her tree, you could barely tell the difference, if at all. Her work was so detailed and well done. My mom was one of the most talented women I know. She could do anything from roofing a house to making her own sewing patterns. When Christmas arrived, she wrapped so many presents the gift pile would reach across the room as she continued placing items under the tree. The presents weren’t just wrapped either. She used gift tags and hand-made bows so that the person would have the experience of opening something that felt special.

My mom loved buying lots of gifts, but she made sure she was fair. Usually she would spend the same amount on each of my siblings and me. One way she was able to do that was by often buying us the same gifts in different styles or colors. Many times I knew what I would get simply because I saw my sister open a gift earlier and I knew from experience that I probably had something like it under the tree. For example, one year my sister received a blue pants outfit. When I opened my next gift it was the same outfit in a berry color. This technique worked well for my mom. She was able to buy those presents she loved to give, yet feel like she was a fair mom who kept things equal between children.

While this idea can make gifting easier, it’s not a wise choice for parenting. I’ve heard parents remark before that although they raised all of their children the same they sure did turn out differently. This remark is a pet peeve of mine. Why? God, in all His glory and wisdom made each person alive unique. If every person is special and created for a purpose, there is no way they should be parented the same. Did you notice I said should? I also mean can. The two words carry different, but meaningful distinctions. Children should not be parented the same because each one is unique and responds to different methods. No child can be parented the same because every parent is evolving, or they should be. As women we should not be the same person tomorrow that we are today. As mothers, when we mature in godly understanding, our parenting techniques should evolve, as well. Do you see what I mean?

Think of how long it takes to raise a child. Let’s just say that your child is in your home for eighteen years. That’s a span of almost twenty years. Are you going to be the same person every year or are you going to change? Is your financial situation going to remain the same? Are your friends and family going to remain the same? Is your child going to remain with the same vulnerabilities and characteristics? Or are they going to mature and develop? Life and families are filled with many variables and uncertainties. The only thing you know without a doubt will stay the same is God. Our sovereign, holy Heavenly Father doesn’t change. 

Although, having said that however, your walk with Him will change. Or at least it should. As you deepen and mature your walk with Jesus, you are transformed. Not just your thoughts, but your beliefs, desires, actions, and reactions. Let’s say you have a few children, each spaced a few years apart. If you are actively and intentionally growing your relationship with Christ aren’t you going to be a different woman, a different mother for each child?

In addition, each child brings their own personality, interests, and challenges. What works with one child won’t necessarily be the best choice for another child. Also, times change, culture changes, technology changes. Do you understand all the different variables involved with parenting? Even when children are raised in the same house by the same parents, each child is unique and to an extent, should be parented differently.

I believe that when parents speak of raising children the same, what they usually mean is that they disciplined them in the same way or that they used the same basic household rules, consisting of expectations and corrective measures. But we know that each person is mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually unique. They also arrive in the family in a specific birth order and at different times in the lives of the parents.

Your firstborn’s birth generally receives much excitement and attention. As a parent, you are usually less confident and more attentive. The firstborn is usually given more expectations than the following children, at least for a time. The eldest may be asked to help more, especially with younger siblings. They are also expected to lead and set a good example for others. The eldest usually also receives more one-on-one attention from parents, at the very least from the primary caregiver.

As each child arrives, parents sometimes become more relaxed in expectations and requirements. Mothers often become more confident in parenting abilities and are less anxious about their role. Children, as they grow, tend to find their “position” in the family, whether it be the clown, the entertainer, the studious one, etc., and often match behaviors to that role, sometimes without intending to do so. As time passes, events like jobs, deaths, life choices, education, financial situations, spiritual growth (or lack thereof), and other circumstances also contribute to the way parents respond to and raise their children.

Mothers are human. We carry past experiences, disappointments, hurts, personalities, and interests. Those desires and traits often play a role in the way we respond to our children. The dynamics between parents also affects their relationship with their children. If one parent shows partiality to a child, the other parent may over-compensate with the rest of the children. Each of these factors touch the varying personalities and developing actions or reactions of the children, which then feed into the parents and the cycle continues.

Do you see how it’s impossible for parents to state they are raising all of their children the same? If that’s the case, how should you strive to raise your children?

Make your intention to parent for God, not to raise your children the same.

Don’t focus on fairness. Disciplingchildren for Jesus is where your attention should remain. God intentionally gifted you with unique children. He brought them to you at different times and in specific orders. He has blessed them (and you) with gifts and talents. Your Heavenly Father doesn’t desire that you try to evenly raiseeveryone the same, but He does call you to disciple your children to know, love, honor, serve, and obey Him. He will equip you and provide the ways to do so with each child. Show them the way to Christ as Savior and mentor the way for them to nourish a lifetime relationship with Him.

Creating a plan to parent with purpose is the first step. This is a critical piece of your parenting journey. In my Set-Apart Collective™, I teach mothers a method to parent each child for Christ called the Purposed Parenting Plan™ which enables them to construct one plan that is customizable for every child they are privileged to raise. Motherhood is a holy position, assigned by a loving God. Unless you intentionally craft a plan that will keep you focused and accountable and directs them to the heart and truths of Jesus, you risk flowing with the direction life takes you and missing opportunities to bring your children the fullness of life God intends for them.

While it is not possible to raise children exactly the same, there are ways to parent each of your children with the same purpose.

2 Timothy 3:14-17 says, “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

While the world shouts at parents to raise children to be kind, empathetic, well-mannered, responsible, and educated, a mother following Christ understands that raising her children to know and obey Jesus will develop those qualities and others. Instead of focusing on equally raising children with the characteristics endorsed by culture, raise children by the truths instilled in God’s Word. Love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control flow from those with the Holy Spirit abiding within and who humbly submit and mature their walk with Christ intentionally. As you raise your children in the truths of Scripture and show them a pure and humble love for Christ, you will see the characteristics God crafted within them in the womb and help mold them for service and obedience to Christ.

Ephesians 6:1-4 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Parent with godly purpose, not positive parity.

Dear Heavenly Father, How blessed we are to fellowship with You through Jesus and the Holy Spirit within us. Help us to remember the power You have invested within us to parent for You. Lead us on Your purposed path to disciple children who know, show, and obey You with humble love and adoration. Enable them to set an example of You for others by their speech, conduct, love, faith and purity. Help us as mothers to see the uniqueness You crafted into each of the children You have entrusted to us. May we disciple them for You as they mature and show them the way to Jesus as Savior. Father, may they love You with joy and fervor. May Your light shine forth from them all the days of their lives because we have led them to you purposely and parented with a plan that clearly showed You. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

Supporting and encouraging mothers to rest in Christ and pursue a holy relationship with Him so they purposely raise set-apart children is the cry of my heart. I believe godly parenting is rooted in relationship with Christ and the mindset a mother carries. That’s why I’ve created the Set-Apart Collective.

Have you decided peers and culture won’t be the main influence over your child? Would you like to parent to prepare your child for eternity with Christ, not to repair a relationship? In the Set-Apart Collective, you will deepen your walk with Christ, learn a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family. The Set-Apart Collective wait list is open now. The first group of women is currently growing together. Please send me an email at to let me know you’d like to receive information. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ.

If you connected in some way with this episode, would you please rate and review the podcast on Apple or Spotify? It only takes a minute or so and makes a big difference in people finding the podcast. You and I know that the best reviews are by word of mouth, so would you please choose a friend to recommend the show to? Let them know that the podcast is found at, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify. Imagine the change we will see in the way mothers parent for Christ if they learn to be intentional, too.

Remember, if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will likely sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection.

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