Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 082 - The Dangers of Raising a Good Kid
Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 082 – The Dangers of Raising a Good Kid
When I was young, I often heard the phrase, “be a good girl” from my parents. After I became a young mom at the age of eighteen, I was told to “raise a good child.”
As I love to do, I thought I’d look up the definition of the word “good.” Did you know that the word “good” is described as upright, righteous, and obedient? Of course, it’s easy to recognize that these are wonderful qualities. Yet, you and I must stop and consider what gives authority to create the description of the word? Better yet, who defines good? Who has the authority to call you or me or our children upright, righteous, or obedient?
Any person could add whatever spin they desire to the definition of these words, right? However, there is One who has final authorityon word meanings. God alone knows what is defined as good, righteous, upright, or obedient. Of course, our Heavenly Father desires that we raise children who carry these qualities. However, He wants the defining actions or characteristics the child carries to be in alignment with what He calls good.
When our holy, sovereign, righteous God calls anything good or upright, we trust His evaluation. If we move past our opinionor the dictionary definition and pick up God’s holy Word, we learn what God calls good or righteous. Then we understand that His Word gives much insightand instruction.
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Renewing your mind cannot be completed through following the patterns of the world. If you learn or study worldlywisdom and thoughts, you begin to apply its practices and beliefs and allow themto transform your thought processes.
Or you can take a better way. A godly way. Renew your mind through the goodness and truth of God’s Word.
Matthew 19:17 says, “Why do you ask Me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
Now I’ll share a passage from 2 Peter 1:3-9 which says, “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.”
As you heard in the verses, the Bible instructs us to escapethe corruption in this world. Trying to renew the mind through the thoughts and practices of humans or the culture we live in will never bring transformation of what is rightly called good by God. The goodness of man is measured by inferior and untrue standards, but the goodness of God is supported by faith and increasingly built upon by fruits of the Spirit.
Ephesians 5:8-10 which says, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.”
Scripture teaches why it’s dangerous to mentor mere goodnessto your children. Your actions as a believer and parent should reflect your faithand how you are building it through your relationship with Christ. Your life should be morally above reproach so your lifestyle, desires, and the way you parent reflects God’s goodness, righteousness, and truth. You can only accomplish that through Christ.
God’s holy Word and truths prove it is dangerous to strive to raise a good kid.
Without Christ, none of us are righteous or good.
Micah 6:8 says, “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”
If God tells us He has shown what is good, and requires that we act justly and walk humbly with Him, we understand that to walk with the world and its definitions of righteousness or goodness will be the oppositeof God’s definition and desire.
Ephesians 4:20-24 says, “That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
What a beautiful analogy to put off our old self as we put on the new self through Christ. As our attitude and desires are transformed, we are able to mentor God’s goodness to our children, not the definition the world gives.
There was a period in my life when I wanted to make sure I was a good person. A good woman. A good wife. A good daughter. A good mother. As my relationship with Jesus matured, I understood that limiting myself to “good” was “ungodly.” God calls believers to a much higherstandard than good.
Good isn’t enough for God.
It’s true that in the beginning, God proclaimed what Hemade to be good. However, God is proclaiming His creations are good, not that we individually or collectively are. He spoke the title of goodover what He made by His intelligent and perfect design. Everything God makes is good. Yet, in this sinful, fallen world, it didn’t take long for God’s creations to choose sin.
Without Christ indwelling you, it is much more difficult for your children to pursue Christ. Without the Holy Spirit within you, there is no godliness for your children to see and emulate. Without Jesus, you and your children are unable to claim the status of “godly,” or “good.”
So how do you move from desiring a good life to buildinga godly life? Only through Christ. Once you recognize your need for God, you begin to realize the need for His perfect Son. Jesus came to pay the price for your sin. He came to pay the ransom for the sins of your children. Once you realize the need for a Savior, and accept the free gift Jesus offers, you are able to live with His Holy Spirit within. You are no longer bound to the world or the sinful temptations. Through relationship with Christ, the Holy Word, and prayerful conversations with God, you can experience a shift from good to godly. That is, if you are seeking Him and a humble, obedient, close connection moment by moment. What you desire must be held up to a mirror, so to speak, as you look at how your desires are reflected against what God calls for you in His holy Word. How you parent must also be held against God’sstandards of what is good and righteous.
Have you wasted time pursuing what this world calls good? Have you only allowed God access to your dreams and desires, your life, the way you work, live, or parent in small degrees? I wish I could profess to be one of those people who surrendered fully in the moment they accept Christ, but the truth is that each of us have varying degrees of surrender throughout our lifetime. We never reach that finish line in this life. We are so very far beneath God, and so far from Him, that our lifetime should be focused on pursuing deeper relationship with Him and continuing to surrender self. Just as the layers of onion are peeled away exposing more, as we surrender to God we see that there is so much more to offer Him of self.
Are you wasting moments striving to be “good” instead of godly? Are you damaging the relationship between your children and Jesus by mentoring the world’s definition of good instead of God’s godliness?
Maybe you’re a believer who loves God, but you’re unsure of how to disciple your children in ways that cause your child to build a faith that will last. Or maybe you dream of being a mother one day and wonder how to start building faith that lasts in your children. I remember being in that spot. I didn’t yet understand that the Christian walk is a beautiful relationship between God and man. I didn’t understand the command in Deuteronomy 6:5-9, which says, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
I assumed that what I was doing to teach my children about Jesus was enough. In reality, they were learning my limited non-discipled faith, and since I was not growing as well as I should have been, they were only able to mimic a portion of my faith, not being discipled well to chase Christ for themselves as children. They were living a narrow view of good instead of the godly goodness of our Heavenly Father.
I remember when God clearly showed me how to shift from good to godly parenting and how important it was to Him. The fact that God entrusted His children to me and to you is beyond belief. Mere fallen humans parenting God’s children is a miracle. The role we carry as mothers and spiritual advisors is one we cannot complete in our own strength or by being a good person or mother. The privilege we have been bestowed is one I take very seriously and I pray you do, too.
You may have heard of The Set-Apart Collective, where I mentor women in their walk with Christ, help them grow godly mindset through my Motherhood Mindset Model™ and help them create a unique parenting formula based off of my Purposed Parenting Plan™. Because you are a listener of this podcast, I want to share that if this episode resonates with you, please contact me for a very special offer only for listeners.
I want your mind and heart to be anchored on Christ through all obstacles. I want to see your family stand on the firm foundation of Christ together. When deep waters swirl around you, when tragedy and troubles plague your home, I want your grip secure on that three-fold cord that keeps Jesus in the center of all. No matter what happens, you will be committed to raising your children and growing with your spouse for Christ.
It is time to rise and raise children who know and honor God. How long will mothers sit back and watch as children follow peers over parents or Christ? It doesn’t matter how good a parent you are or want to be. God calls you to be a holy, godly mother. There is nothing greater you can do than fix your heart and mind above and focus on raising His children for Him.
Whether you are not yet a mother, but know you want to be in the future, whether you are expecting, or whether you have an infant, toddler, preschooler, or elementary aged child, you have influence. The time to start with purposed practices for Christ is now. Raising a good, typical child should not be your goal. Listen to that still, small voice inside that desires each child to know and serve Him with love and respect.
The church alone isn’t going to raise your children to love and serve God fully. It is the day by day moments that will define you and your children, your family as a whole. Did you know that the Greek word for church means, "called-out ones?" The children entrusted to your care were hand-chosen by God to be under your mentorship. He is trusting that you will find every way possible to be the godliest woman and mother you can be so that you will raise called out, or set-apart individuals who bless His Spirit.
Stop being a good mom and don’t raise good kids.
Dear Heavenly Father, You alone are good. Thank you for showing us the way to You through Jesus and for ensuring that we understand Your definition of good and righteous. Father, we know we don’t deserve Your mercy and kindness, yet You extend it to us over and over through our lifetime. Help us to recognize Your goodness in our life. Help us to make Your goodness known to our children and to extend it to our spouse. Please protect us from the danger of raising good children. Let our children be set-apart and help them see You in us and desire You with a heart set on love and humble obedience to You and Your will and ways. May we please you as we parent and help us hear Your voice in ways that guide us and our children deeper into Your loving, faithful arms. Don’t let us be good women who raise good kids. Let us be set-apart for godliness through Christ. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
Supporting and encouraging mothers to rest in Christ and pursue a holy relationship with Him so they purposely raise set-apart children is the cry of my heart. Godly parenting is rooted in relationship with Christ and the mindset a mother carries. That’s why I’ve created the Set-Apart Collective.
Have you decided peers and culture won’t be the main influence over your child? Would you like to parent to prepare your child for eternity with Christ, not to repair a relationship? In the Set-Apart Collective, you will deepen your walk with Christ, learn a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family. The Set-Apart Collective is open now. Please send me an email at info@terrihitt.com to let me know you’d like to receive information or look online at terrihitt.com/setapart. We can also set up a 15 minute call to chat about details. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ.
If you connected in some way with this episode, would you please rate and review the podcast on Apple or Spotify? It only takes a minute or so and makes a big difference in people finding the podcast. You and I know that the best reviews are by word of mouth, so would you please choose a friend to recommend the show to? Let them know that the podcast is found at terrihitt.com, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify. Imagine the change we will see in the way mothers parent for Christ if they learn to be intentional, too.
Remember, if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will likely sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection.