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Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 085 - Raising Christian Kids - Why It's Important to Build Your Child's Confidence in Christ, Not on Self-Reliance

Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 085 - Raising Christian Kids - Why It's Important to Build Your Child's Confidence in Christ, Not on Self-Reliance

Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 085 –Raising Christian Kids: Why It's Important to Build Your Child's Confidence in Christ, Not on Self-Reliance

Thank you for taking time to share your day with me. I pray what you hear each week deepens your walk with Jesus and your children.

Today I want to dig into confidence. Many parenting experts tout self-confidence in children as a foundational necessity. I disagree. In fact, I believe self-confidence is harmful, dangerous, and unbiblical. 2 Corinthians 3:5 says, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.” After reading this verse, don’t you agree that it’s clear? Parents should raisechildren to carry godly confidence.

God never intended for humans to rely on self. In fact, Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

God clearly makes it known that the only way we find peace, joy, or other fruits of the Spirit is by releasing self and submittingto Him. John 15:4-5 says, “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

Raising your children to follow self over Christis the cause, and definitely not the cure, of manyproblems. Problems pop up quickly when a child builds confidence based on self. Because building confidence on self will never withstand the storms of life, some of the issues your child might exhibit as they mature could be as follows:

1. Frequent comparison of self to others

2. Negative talk about self

3. Isolation from family or friends

4. Afraid to do things without parents

5. Easily angered or frustrated

6. Sluggishness/loss of interest or motivation in something that used to excite them

7. Depression

8. Frequent crying

9. Fearfulness/Worry

10. Resistance to school

11. Frequent illness – such as stomachaches or headaches

12. Low self-esteem

Now that I’ve brought up this topic, let’s examine ways a child might exhibit low self-esteem.

1. Bullying

2. Neglect

3. Bad grades

4. Lack of coordination

5. Excessive praise

6. Excessive criticism

7. Ignoring God’s commands to build esteem through Him

8. Addictions

When your children have built esteem on self and have trouble with grades, relationships, body size, bullying, etc. they have nothingto fall back on. Their foundation of self-esteem crumbles. There is no lasting support.

Worldly parenting coaches and therapists will try to persuade parents that building high self-esteem is the key to eradicating low self-esteem and the symptoms of it. This tactic actually makes the situation worse for your child. Only building confidence through identity in Christ will enable your children to live in freedom, joy, and peace that will multiply and last through eternity.

Secular specialists say that high self-esteem allows your children to be independent, resilient, secure, good decision makers, and respected. 

These experts stress that methods of building high self-esteem can be easy, such as:

1. Affirmations – Many adults also adhere to the practice of affirmations. There is actually a lot of Christians who believe in this practice. However, I know (because the Bible says so) that nothing man can write, think, or feel will override what God’s holy Word teaches. Instead of affirmations such as “I am pretty.” “I am smart” or others such as these, help your children find applicable Bible verses that speak God’s truth and life. Encourage them to memorize, write, or speak biblical words. Teach them that Jesus used Scripture to stand against the devil. If it’s good enough for Jesus to use as an offensive weapon, I highly recommend your children (and you) do the same. In fact, let your children hear you speak Truth and apply it in your life and activities.

2. Compose love letters to self – If your children want to write love letters to themselves, there’s not anything wrong with doing so. But how long will words theywrite last as encouragement? How long will they believe human opinion of themselves? God’s Word teaches that what man believes comes from our mind, heart, and experiences – all of which are skewed by this fallen world. Instead, have your children read the love letters of the Bible and study the Words of Jesus to receive the truth and healing He offers.

3. Write and read a self-love journal – Again, your children can write as many messages to themselves as they desire. But what the Bible teaches God says about His creation and reading about the sacrifice Jesus made for them will build the only foundation that will hold and transform feelings, emotions, and thoughts and bring them back to the truths of God. If they want to journal, they can let feelings, ideas, and thoughts flow. However, just as we should do, I think it’s important to teach our children to think about what they’ve released on paper and analyze whether it reflects God’s truths.

4. Make a personal manifesto - so your child can manifest the character and life they want. Instead of trying to manifest what your children dream of (which is not biblical, but is a new age practice), teach them the importance of being mindful of the talents and interests God formed within them when they were created. Remind and encourage them that they (and each person) is unique and on this earth for purposes ordained by God. They matter deeply to Him. Teach them to seek His guidance on how to use the talents and interests He crafted within them in ways that bring Him honor, glory, and pleasure. It’s one of the keys to lasting and godly confidence.

During this episode we’ve examined multiple ways secular parenting coaches and therapists recommend you build self-esteem in your children. Are you seeing how unbiblical that advice actually is? Now we’re going to look at several ideas to help you raise children who knowJesus. Remember, knowing Jesus is the first step in forming identity, godly esteem, and confidence through Christ. 

Let’s look at nine steps.

1. Personally Seek God – If you lovingly show your children that God is a priority in your life, He will likely become important to your children. If you live a life that seeks more of self or worldly values and desires, your child probably will, too.

2. Read God’s Word - Study God’s Word together. Worship Him together. Make Him known so they will seek Him. If God is a priority to you, the way you lovingly follow Him, mature your walk with Him through relationship with Jesus, and model a godly lifestyle to your children by making time to study the Bible and apply it to your lives will influence your children more than anything else can. A purposed, consistent lifestyle focused on Christ will build a solid foundation and connection.

3. Communication – Communication with God and each other is vital. Praying to God alone, with your children, with your husband, and as a family is very important. Praying over your children while they are present, especially in the moments they are concerned about something or ask you to pray for them is a vital part of growing their faith. Teaching them that through Jesus we are able to come straight to God is a basic Biblical truth that will bring them nearer to Him.

4. Bring them to Bible-believing and preaching church so your family will belong to a community of believers who will pray for your children, grow together, and serve together.

5. Model humble praise and gratitude – As you humbly submit to Christ as your personal Savior and model a life that praises, submits to, obeys God, and lives with gratitude – even through trials, you breathe a sweet fragrance of Christ in your home and into your child’s spirit.

6. Teach them to go to God first. If they love, obey, and follow Him, they will love and obey you. Show them that you are accountable to God, so they will understand the importance of honoring their Heavenly Father. Teach them that you love and honor God, that you are submitting to Him as your Heavenly Father. Let them know God has entrusted them to you, and it is your duty to teach them how to chase Christ.

7. Live a set-apart life so they will see you strive to be more Christlike moment by moment. Let them know you live in the strength of Jesus, not your own. Live a life of integrity that follows God’s Word in the way you live, think, speak, act, and react. Let them know that you are actively asking God to change your desires and words moment by moment to make you more pleasing to Him. Let your children see you live this lifestyle.

8. Teach about sin, repentance, and forgiveness. When you live a lifestyle that honors Christ and follows His loving guidelines, you model a life that will show your child the way to the Father.

9. Live with eternal perspective. Teach your children that this world is nottheir final destination. Show them the way to God and how to prepare to live with Him in Heaven for eternity. Your children belong to the Father who has entrusted them to you for this season. What a privilege and honor you have been given. Luke 12:42-43 says, “And the Lord said, “Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his master will make ruler over his household, to give them their portion of food in due season? Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes.”

Your children can tell whether the words you teach about God match your actions, words, desires, and reactions. They are able to see the joy in your eyes and body language as you speak of Jesus and speak to them.

Matthew 22:37 says, “Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’”

Is this what your children see you do?

Matthew 7:24-27 says, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

God is not mocked. The Bible tells us we will reap what we sow. As the old saying says, the years can feel long, but days pass too quickly. Your best of plans amount to nothing but lost opportunities unless you purposely put them in place and act upon them moment by moment.

You may have heard me talk about the Set-Apart Collective often in this podcast. Why do I share it so often? I know the program works. Through 6 weeks of one-on-one and group coaching, along with Scripturally-based materials I provide, you will complete 8 steps that include the following: Seek God First, Establish Identity, Teach Truth, A Set-Apart Woman, Parent Set-Apart Kids, Arm for Battle, Relationships, and Training. What you learn and solidify in your personal life will directly affect the way you serve God and parent for Him. It will help you construct godly confidence and esteem through Christ in your children.

If you’re ready to invest in the future of your children, contact me at for more details or visit Because you are a podcast listener, let me know you heard about the special price I’m offering you. I seriously want you to experience results and live a set-apart life with a set-apart family. Instead of a $997 value, I’ll give you a discount code that enables you to pay only $247. If you are serious about parenting with eternal perspective and raising children to chase Christ over culture, I’m making this very affordable and easy to do.

Dear Heavenly Father, Your goodness is overwhelming when we pause and consider all You have done and are doing for us. Thank you for allowing us to parent Your children for this brief time we have on earth together. Please help us to raise children who chase Christ over culture and build godly esteem through Your truths and ways. We know You love the children. You tell us we must become like children to enter heaven. They are so special to You, yet You entrust them to us. What a holy privilege. Help us parent in Your power. Please help our children fulfill the plans You have created within them because we have led them straight to You. May they see You in us and never turn from You. Please help our children not to follow self, but to set their mind and heart on what You say about them. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

Supporting and encouraging mothers to rest in Christ and pursue a holy relationship with Him so they purposely raise set-apart children is the cry of my heart. Godly parenting is rooted in relationship with Christ and the mindset a mother carries. That’s why I’ve created the Set-Apart Collective.

Have you decided peers and culture won’t be the main influence over your child? Would you like to parent to prepare your child for eternity with Christ, not to repair a relationship? In the Set-Apart Collective, you will deepen your walk with Christ, learn a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family. The Set-Apart Collective is open now. Please send me an email at to let me know you’d like to receive information or look online at We can also set up a 15 minute call to chat about details. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ.

If you connected in some way with this episode, would you please rate and review the podcast on Apple or Spotify? It only takes a minute or so and makes a big difference in people finding the podcast. You and I know that the best reviews are by word of mouth, so would you please choose a friend to recommend the show to? Let them know that the podcast is found at, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify. Imagine the change we will see in the way mothers parent for Christ if they learn to be intentional, too.

Remember, if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will likely sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection.

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