Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 113 - Are You Parenting Your Toddlers for the Teen Years?

Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 113 – Are You Parenting Your Toddlers for the Teen Years?

Thank you for sharing your day with me. I pray this podcast gives you the awareness and tools you need to STOP being a GOOD mom and BECOME the GODLY mom God entrusts you to be. Then you will be the SET-APART woman PURPOSELY raising children to chase CHRIST over culture.

Just a quick reminder as we start, if you enjoy Purposed Parent Connected Child podcast episodes, would you please share this episode or others with a friend or family member? When you graciously take a moment to do that, and leave a rating or review at Apple Podcast, you are ensuring that others will find the podcast. When you do, you’re helping affect generations for Jesus.

Now on to an important question to consider in this episode…are you parenting your toddlers for the teen years?

Parenthood gives mothers such unique abilities to learn about relationships. Not only how to foster relationships, but how to recognize potential issues early in relationships and try to avoid those problems.

We see our children up close and personal…and they see us, too. Just as our kids know us well by watching and cataloging our expressions, actions, and words, observant mothers will use everyday opportunities to view and evaluate how well our children listen, obey, and care for others. Do they show kindness, respect, and truth? How well are they responding to the truths of God that we present to them in multiple ways daily?

Are you aware that the way you parent your toddlers can help set your teens up for failure or success?

Common threads are often uncovered among parents when they chat about navigating the tapestry of the teen years, but for the most part mothers don’t share for fear or judgement, rejection, or embarrassment. I find it interesting that when parents are in the throes of raising toddlers, there’s more levity in what’s shared than when a parent is battling an issue with their teen. When a mother is living hard days with a teen in the home, the entire household can be affected for days or months. Although they need guidance or support, women are reluctant to share such personal struggles, and the actions of a wayward or obstinate teen can cause everyone in the home to struggle.

On the flip side, it’s much easier to ignore or distract the behavior of a toddler. For example, when a toddler refuses to wear an article of clothing, a mother learns that the next time she wants her child to get dressed she won’t ask. Instead, the next time she’ll prepare her child with a transition between activities and will give her toddler two choices, both of which she has already picked as options. “It’s time to get dressed. You can wear this dress or this one.” Or “It’s time to get dressed. Today you can wear this shirt or this shirt.” Hold the choices up in front of them or lay them on a bed in front of the toddler and let them choose.

Of course, if you don’t have a child who cares about the clothing they wear, you don’t need to start the options phase. Don’t bring challenges into your life. Continue picking out their clothes and move on quickly in your morning routine. However, when you recognize that what your child wears matters to him or her, allow your child the freedom to have autonomy.

On the other hand, when your teen refuses to wear something you’ve asked them to, and they begin dressing in ways you don’t approve of, the challenge feels much harder. It is, but the way you prepare your child for the teen years while you parent the toddler years and between will make those teen years much less challenging for both of you. You’ll also ensure you don’t create barriers by reacting in ways totally different than any other time in their life.

For example, when your child is young, you make life easier by giving them choices you approve of. As your child grows, their ability to reason grows with them. As you see ways they are changing, you begin to build on groundwork you’ve already poured to make that foundation of your relationship stronger. You offer different choices depending on age and abilities, but you’ve been working with them over the years to help your child learn how to reason logically and biblically and to make wise choices.

Remember that every child is as unique as a snowflake. They’ll each develop at their own God-given pace, however, there are ways to predict the most common times children will develop new skills.

When we look at phases of human development, we see that in the toddler phase of development, children need to get good sleep, nutrition, stimulation, and need to continue building close bonds with their caregivers.

So, using the example of attire, if you don’t want your teen to wear certain clothing, you must nourish your relationship and their decision-making in certain ways. I knew I didn’t want my youngest daughters to wear skimpy clothing when they were teens or adults, so I wanted to instill morals and integrity in them that would teach them to want to dress conservatively. Now, at 18 and 20 years of age, they both dress with reserve, yet are still stylish and choose their own clothing based on personality and interests, while remaining modest and current.

Because it was a priority to me to teach my girls to respect their body (and not desire to flaunt theirs the way we see women doing on social media), and because I didn’t want them to wear tight, short spandex dresses that almost look like an article of shapewear, I took purposed steps when they were toddlers.

Here are some of the most important ways I planned for my girls to dress in the ways I believed God would approve:

First, I didn’t dress in the ways I didn’t want my daughters to dress.

Next, I didn’t compliment women who dressed in that way. I drew attention to others who dressed modestly, yet stylishly.

Finally, I didn’t purchase that type of clothing for my girls, even when they were small.

I didn’t place bikinis on them in public, because I didn’t want them to wear them as teens. Since I believed God would find it more pleasing for my girls to wear a modest one-piece swimsuit, that’s what I dressed them in as toddlers. It’s what they got used to wearing. It’s what I also wore when I put a swimsuit on.

I also taught the girls these things to think about attire over the years:

Is this outfit right for the climate/weather? Is this outfit appropriate for the event I’m attending? Will I be comfortable in my choice? Will my choice of clothing be respectful of others in attendance?

I know attire is one simple example, but the same principle applies to other areas of parenting toddlers so that you lay the groundwork for smoother teen years.

There are many ways parenting teens and toddlers compliment each other or leave you with similar challenges, so let’s examine a few of those ways.

1. Parents find raising teens challenging because they feel it is hard to talk about certain topics such as sex with their children. When the kids are young, parents are reluctant to talk about those subjects, even though society today is causing parents to broach those topics at younger and younger ages and phases of childhood. So, the parent, who should be able to use their common and God-given sense to know when to approach topics feels pushed to teach things they’re uncomfortable with or they don’t want to harm their child by discussing. Then, on the flip side, once children are teens, parents might find certain topics embarrassing for them or their children, and become slow to tackle that topic. However, if parents wait too long, they may have a teen who has gotten into trouble because they were too naïve to know to stay away from something, or you may find your teen in a dangerous situation because they were never warned or taught godly morals around that situation. You may also have a young child frightened before it is time to hear of certain topics. At either end, if the timing isn’t right, parents may cause issues that could have been avoided, or they may cause trust issues between them and their children after children see or hear about delicate topics from unsavory or untrustworthy sources.

2. Toddlers and teens both have anger, frustration, or distractions that seem very similar to one another. Remember, the temper tantrums, bossiness, and new skill sets you navigate with your toddler can set up your relationship with your teen to be more closely bonded.

3. Both toddlers and teen are searching for identity. Be sure to teach your child godly identity in Jesus because you have (and continue) to deepen yours with Him. Just knowing the gospel won’t be enough for your child to grasp and construct their own house of faith. Be sure that they see Jesus really is important to you, not just words you speak or actions you take, like religiously going to church every week, then leaving Jesus at the door to your home.

4. Notice the strengths and weaknesses your toddler exhibits and direct those in Christlike ways as he grows. Consider the ways your child reacts to trials and triumphs. Is he easily frustrated or angered as a toddler? Help him by your tone, reactions, words, etc. to teach him how to battle and conquer ways of handlings situations in godly ways.

5. Teach your children godly characteristics like honesty, integrity, love, kindness, patience, etc. from toddlerhood. Root those qualities in God’s truths and show them in your own life. This will set them up to carry those same qualities that have been strengthened over the years, like a muscle that has been exercised.

6. Take note of the gifts, talents, and interests God has purposed in your children. As they grow, help them navigate how to stay true to who God made them to be while remaining rooted in His truths. Help them find how to use the gifts, talents, and interests in ways that honor God and serve His purpose for them.

7. Make time to be with your toddler, not only in everyday care, but in play and relaxation. Go outdoors together. Roll on the floor and laugh together. Play games together. Color or draw together. Play ball. Search for insects outdoors or find beautiful leaves on the trees. Let your inner child be revived as you find ways to spend time together. Use your imagination and creativity, or use theirs, but have fun just being together. When you laugh together when your child is a toddler, you’re more apt to continue that routine as they grow and enjoy fun times together when they become a teen.

8. Be there for your toddler when they’re afraid or hurting. Even when it’s hard, let them see that you love them enough to be brave and present when life is hard. Model how to ask God to carry you all through the hard times and show them a pure faith that doesn’t turn away through hard or easy times.

9. Speak God’s truths and Words to your toddlers and teens through conversations, everyday life, and prayers.

Think of how many similarities there are between toddlers and teens. Both ends of your parenting years can have many of the same interests and characteristics. Listen to these qualities and you will recognize that they apply to toddlers and teens.

Selfishness, mood swings, and egos that think the world revolves around them, know-it-all attitudes, desire to gather people and friends, the desire to be independent, even if they’re not ready, risky behaviors (as a toddler your child may run into traffic or climb bookshelves and your teen may partake in dangerous or sneaky behaviors such as smoking, sex, drugs, alcohol, driving dangerously, stealing, or lying.

Both toddlers and teens may begin these actions when they need more attention or they may have personalities that are impulsive and inquisitive. Either way, your children, both toddlers and teens, need close, loving guidance toward a loving Savior by a parent who lives what they preach.

Remember it is key to be building your own strong identity in Christ. If you have questions about how to do that, please connect with me at info@terrihitt.com. Also, love your toddler and your teen in ways they understand and need. You know your children better than anyone else. The Bible and a strong walk with God will be your guiding tools. Connection with other godly individuals sharing experiences will help you when you’re hurting or confused about how to parent.

Connect with your children intentionally – connect with them personally, and connect them to Christ.

Don’t treat your children as an afterthought. Let them know how important they are to you. Know their body language and love language. You don’t have to pamper or spoil your children, but you do need to prioritize them over selfish needs.

Respect your children and teach them to respect you and most importantly, God.

Let your children know you are chosen and entrusted by God to raise them for Him.

Foster obedience

Don’t exasperate

Look to God to guide and guard your parenting decisions.

Pray.

Put God first in your own life.

Read the Word daily – and also read and study the Word together. You have time. It’s all in what you prioritize.

Find answers together when your kids have questions you don’t know.

Discipline to disciple, not punish

Be a godly, not good parent

Don’t try to be your child’s best friend. They need godly parents.

Infuse your home with a genuine, godly atmosphere.

Teach integrity.

Make your home a safe place.

Enjoy your child’s friends – welcome them, get to know them. Help your kids know how to choose godly, faithful friends.

Have godly entertainment in your home (music, books, shows, artwork, etc,).

I ‘ve included a few Bible verses you may use to pray over your children or to teach them. Use the concept when your children are young, as they mature, teach the full verse.

1 Timothy 4:12 says, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”

2 Timothy 2:22-26 says, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

Ecclesiastes 11:9 says, “Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.”

1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

Psalms 119:9 says, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.”

1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

Dear Heavenly Father, how great You are, our holy Maker of Heaven and Earth. Thank you for your generosity to us. We in no way deserve to be raising Your precious children, yet You entrust them to us. Equip us to be godly parents who chase You over culture and teach our children to do the same. Work within us. Change us. Mold us into the mothers You desire us to be. Give us a thirst for You that nothing else will quench and help our children to thirst for You, too. Please equip us to raise children who come to know, honor, obey, and serve You with humble love and gratitude. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

This is the part of the episode that you usually hear me talk about the Set-Apart Collective. Today I want to share about my new mini program called “Establish Identity.”

Why? Your identity is a major force behind what you do. Who you believe yourself to be, and who you find your identity through affects the way you live, parent, love, serve, and discipline. Your identity is one of the lifelines, a pulse point of your home.

Do you ever stop to think that you are the first Jesus your child will see? Even if they are grown, your identity affects your child. The way you think, speak, and react is rooted in your identity.

Send me a message at info@terrihitt.com if you’d like details or go to terrihitt.com and join my email list. You’ll get updates before anyone else and hear a little about what makes this so important. If you join the email list you’ll also be able to access free resources such as my new Good to Godly: A 31 Day Scripture and Prayer Guide for Moms.

One last thing to remember - if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection with your children and Christ