Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 123 - One Secret to Connecting With Your Kids
Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 123 – One Secret to Connecting With Your Kids
Thank you for sharing your day with me. I pray this podcast gives you the awareness and tools you need to STOP being a GOOD mom and BECOME the GODLY mom God entrusts you to be. Then you will be the SET-APART woman PURPOSELY raising children to chase CHRIST over culture.
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Now on to this episode that shares one secret to connecting with your kids…
I want you to lean in for this episode. I’m actually glad this is a podcast and we’re not sitting face-to-face. You know why?
Today I’m sharing one fantastic way to get your kids to open up faster than many other ways you’ve tried. Do you know what that secret is?
The back of your head. Seriously.
This view of you can seem attractive to your children for many reasons. Let me share a story of my own to prove the point.
My youngest loves to use my bathroom. Why not? The master bedroom tub is three times as big as the tub in her sister’s bathroom. Brooklyn’s room only has a shower, and that’s no fun; there’s no way you can float in there. So, my bathroom it is!
One evening I was using my shower, and Brooklyn was in the tub. Although it was hard to hear her voice, my daughter insisted on talking to me. While I was barely able to hear her over the waterfall flowing over my head and unable to see her face, she began sharing what she could remember of an incident at the orphanage she lived in for nine years before we were blessed to bring her home with us.
As she floated in the warm bath water, and I was nearby, but couldn’t stare into her eyes and cause her to cry or be distracted, she opened up about time that was painful.
My experience with her that evening showcased the point that opening up is often easier when eye contact isn’t being made. Think of the opportunities this opens up for you to interact verbally with your child – or your moment may arrive while in the car, walking together, or in darkness while relaxing at home together.
So the secret we’re talking about today is to connect with your child in multiple ways while you’re not face-to-face.
Using that as the foundation of this episode, I want to share ways to foster conversation using that guideline. So use this guide while you’re in the car, walking outside side by side, or sitting at home in a low-dimmed room before bedtime.
One of the ways is what I mentioned briefly already. Use the car as a safe place to talk. Kids often open up to the back of your head faster than your face when they are struggling.
It can be challenging for your children to see emotions on your face when they share something vulnerable. Or it can be too emotional for them to look into your eyes. Sometimes they need to share before hearing or seeing judgement or emotion.
Kids (like adults) open up when they feel safe, when they don’t feel judged, and feel they can speak freely.
Remember to keep yourself from making conversation feel like a chore or burden for your child. If you’re not used to sharing close connection or a lot of communication, use your time and words wisely.
Use discernment and prayerful guidance about what and when you share about yourself, your past or your present. Remember that your vulnerability and wisdom can open up lines of communication and deeper connection. But don’t lay details on your child who might not be ready to deal with topics or information that isn’t age appropriate.
One way to get kids to open up easier is to ask open-ended questions. Instead of asking, “What did you do today,” consider saying, “What’s one thing that made you smile today?” or “What interested you the most today?”
Reword questions so they don’t come across as demanding. For example, instead of What did you do at lunch that often elicits a response like, “I don’t know,” say something like, “I had an interesting time at lunch today. I ate with _________ and it made me wonder who you were sharing lunch with today.”
Make the questions true conversation so your child is drawn into the relational aspects of conversation. Briefly talk about your day or your friends, etc. before you ask about theirs.
Instead of giving advice (unless asked for it), listen to your child, acknowledge feelings, and make appropriate comments to what they share. For example, It seems like something might be bothering you.” Or “Thank you for sharing that.” Or “That sounds like it would be frustrating for me. How did it make you feel?”
Don’t get offended by responses. Sometimes kids seem distant or sarcastic before they open up. Words can be a defensive mechanism. Attitude and responses can be guided by where your relationship is with them currently or through things they are experiencing.
Also remember to spend time with your child doing fun activities they love. Because you’re already building connection, communication will be easier and will guide the ways they open up.
Dear Heavenly Father, how great You are. Thank you for showing us Your glory and sovereignty. Thank you for entrusting us with Your precious children. Enable us to respond to them in ways that honor You and draw them nearer to You in every way. Equip us to seek You first because You know the hearts and minds of our children and want the very best for them. Please help us to have beautiful connection with our kids because their heart is tied to Yours. Help us listen with grace and love as our children speak to us. May our responses be driven by You and may Your wisdom and insight guard every word from our mouth. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
If you’re ready to become the godly mom God entrusts you to be for Him and His children, you might like my free “Good to Godly: A 31-Day Scripture and Prayer Guide for Moms.” Visit terrihitt.com to receive this resource.
You are the first Jesus your child will see. Your relationship with Christ is the light that shines Him to your children. If you want a connected relationship with Jesus and your children that leads them to your side and His feet, instead of them seeking validation from peers, my Set-Apart Collective program can show you how to reflect Christ in a way that attracts your family to a connected relationship that lasts into eternity.
If you don’t want peers and culture to be the main influence over your child, if you desire to parent to “prepare” your child for eternity with Christ, not repair your relationship with them, the Set-Apart Collective will arm you with a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You’ll also deepen your identity in Christ so you can mentor the way for your children to do the same. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family and you will have the tools to raise set apart kids as you parent the heart, not simply the behavior.
Visit terrihitt.com/coaching and click the link for a free, no obligation conversation call with me. This is a strategic call where I will hear your biggest struggle and show you how to turn it into a blessing that will bring you closer to Christ and your children. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ. Time is short. Make yours matter for eternity.
Remember - if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection with your children and Christ.