Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 125 - Should Kids Get Paid for Chores?
Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 125 – Should Kids Get Paid for Chores?
Thank you for sharing your day with me. I pray this podcast gives you the awareness and tools you need to STOP being a GOOD mom and BECOME the GODLY mom God entrusts you to be. Then you will be the SET-APART woman PURPOSELY raising children to chase CHRIST over culture.
Just a quick reminder as we start, if you enjoy Purposed Parent Connected Child podcast episodes, would you please share this episode or others with a friend or family member? When you graciously take a moment to do that, and leave a rating or review at Apple Podcast, you are ensuring that others will find the podcast. When you do, you’re helping affect generations for Jesus.
Now on to this episode with an interesting question many moms wonder… should I pay my child to do chores?
Most women with children want to be wise mothers, able to discern what to teach their children (and when), what to tell them about their own childhood and growing up years, and whether they should spank or pay their children to complete chores around the house. There are so many responsibilities when you’re a mom.
One of the topics important to my husband and me was giving back to God. When our daughter Marissa was one year old we were already teaching her to tithe. At that time she didn’t have an income, so we would give her change to put in one of three different jars marked: spending, saving, and tithing. At that young age, we kept the concept simple. After all, we were really teaching her a habit at that point, and she would grasp the meaning behind the action in time. Since we gave the coins to her to tithe, save, and spend, the money was hers to place the coins into whichever jar she wanted to.
Studies have shown that children comprehend basic money concepts by age three, and can establish money habits by age seven. Because we began instilling the responsibility of stewarding her money as far back as she can remember, Marissa has never questioned tithing to God and she has never been careless about how she spends money. Granted, this could be due to many things, but the early preparation we did with her concerning money, combined with her basic personality and character, and watching what we do made a positive impact on her beliefs and actions. Regardless of which of those had the biggest impact on our daughter, teaching children the concept that money carries responsibility is always a good lesson for children to learn as early as possible.
Once birthdays started rolling around, Marissa began receiving money from friends and family members. Since the idea of tithing, saving, and spending already became ingrained her mind and habits, she also brought tithes to church from money received on cash gifts from holidays and special occasions. As an older child, she began earning money from odd jobs for neighbors, garage sales, lemonade stands, or selling paintings, and continued to use her jars.
While it’s fun to think back at how our daughter views and handles money as a twenty year old young woman, and how that responsibility was taught from such a young age, it made me consider how differently parents choose to teach about money and how people differ on whether children should be paid for completing chores.
In our family, we don’t pay our daughters to complete chores. Our girls are a part of the family, and as responsible members, we want them to take part in caring for our home and one other without expecting something in return. We’ve taught that chores are privileges and responsibilities that makes each family member a caretaker of what God has bestowed to us.
We didn’t want to teach our children that they only need to be responsible when they get payment or a reward. Our desire is for them to carry integrity and purpose because they want to please God with all He has given, even when completing certain tasks like cleaning or laundry may not be what they would automatically call “enjoyable.”
One example of how our family takes care of chores and activities together is that we purposely went without a dishwasher for years. During that time we were able to complete cleaning the kitchen as a family. Most of the time my daughters and I worked together while listening to the radio, the Bible on audio, or simply talking and laughing while we washed, dried, and put the dishes away. Even though it took longer to clean than it would have if we could have placed them in a dishwasher, we enjoyed our time together and were thankful for dirty dishes that signified we had food to eat and people we loved to work alongside. Having children help care for the house and be responsible with belongings makes them a steward of the family blessings. As my girls work alongside me they also learn how to care for our home and possessions. While doing so, they develop integrity, honesty, and responsibility.
Recently, when my youngest was completing the task of daily laundry she came to me with a concerned expression. When I asked what was going on she shared that she wondered if she should wash the load again. She asked me to follow her to the laundry room, where she showed me the detergent had hardened in the bottom of the plastic detergent box in the washer drawer. I helped her get the brick-hard residue out and checked the amount of soap she used. Then, after a sniff test, I told her that she should rewash the quilt she had just removed from the washing machine.
Of course, she didn’t wish to wash that load again. It ended up that she had to rewash several loads that day while we worked to troubleshoot what was happening with our washing machine. Together, we went through several steps that taught her how to think critically when issues arise. I thanked her for being honest and wanting to do the job correctly. How easy it would have been to throw those items into the dryer each time and be done with laundry on time instead of extending her work time by about five hours that afternoon.
I made sure to compliment her integrity, honesty, and loyalty to God and me by doing the very best job she could and for asking for help when needed. Honestly, it was a little frustrating that the machine was acting up because who wants to purchase a new washer or be inconvenienced when one isn’t performing well, but we made memories yesterday as we worked together. I even gained a little appreciation from her for knowing little things she’d never discovered how to do like emptying the water from the tube at the bottom of the machine. Such a lover of learning new things, we had fun times that gave her a greater respect for me and a thankfulness for the days the washer performs well.
Some parents believe differently about paying children for chores. They’ve determined that rewarding kids for chores teaches them appreciation for the value of hard work. Additionally, some families don’t pay for regular chores, but will reward kids with money for doing chores outside daily expectations. For example, they believe that helping a neighbor or grandparent or completing harder chores around the home such as mowing or raking leaves should come with a financial incentive.
While my husband and I don’t pay for chores or the extras, we do give our girls a lot already. Because they look for ways to help around the house and don’t expect rewards for simple or large contributions to the home, we like to take them for treats, surprise with gifts, and give money for particular items they might want or need. We also make simple tasks fun by stopping for frozen yogurt or going to the park. As a give and take of mutual respect and appreciation, we strive to instill appreciation for what God has gifted to us as well as show that we appreciate them, too.
We desire that our children acquire integrity, thankfulness, and relationship with us, but most importantly, with God. We don’t want them to develop an attitude of entitlement or to stop contributing around the house, with school work, or in the community because they don’t see a pay-off. Because of that, we’ve never really used the word chores, but call it “contributing” or “doing what needs to be done.”
Working alongside my girls to clean the house and take care of what we own has helped us develop deep bonds with each other. As we work, we sing, chat, dance, and speak of what God is doing in our lives. We use the time to appreciate moments, even if we have five other things we need to be doing other than scrubbing a toilet or bathtub. Also, instead of just showing my girls how to clean and leaving the room while they complete the task, I enjoy being there with them to answer questions and doing work alongside them. It makes time pass much quicker and we enjoy the opportunities to share what lays on our heart.
Of course, they’re old enough now that they also do many things that need to be done on their own. For example, today Brooklyn saw a dirty shelf in the refrigerator where it was obvious soy sauce had spilled. Many kids would either not even notice the mess or leave it for someone else to clean. Brooklyn started taking items out of the refrigerator so she could clean the bottoms of them, then clean the shelf. Instead of swiping with a paper towel, she took the shelf out and washed it with soap and dried it before returning it to the refrigerator.
In the same way, Marissa will vacuum and mop floors for me without me saying a word simply because she knows running the vacuum is hard on my back. I honestly don’t know that they would be so willing to go above and beyond to help with family chores if we had started paying them in the beginning.
All in all, each family has to seek what God calls for them. Even though the Bible is the perfect manual for any parenting question we have, that doesn’t mean God addresses each one exactly. In order to know how to parent the individual children He has gifted to us, we must seek Him, know Him and His character through His Word, have prayerful communication with Him, listen to His voice, and obey His calls and commands. Because each parent, family, and child is unique, He is the one to let you know the best course for your parenting adventure and family. May God bless every decision because you are moving ever closer to Him each moment.
Dear Heavenly Father, how great You are. Thank you for Your presence in our life. We need You so desperately. Carry and equip us because we have invited You into our heart and home. Allow us to make wise and insightful decisions for our children and family that come from Your hand, mind, and will for us. May we move ever closer to You daily and show our children how to do the same in each parenting decision we make. Enable us to parent not only for this moment, but for the future and eternity. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
If you’re ready to become the godly mom God entrusts you to be for Him and His children, you’ll love my free “Good to Godly: A 31-Day Scripture and Prayer Guide for Moms.” Visit terrihitt.com to receive this resource.
You are the first Jesus your child will see. Your relationship with Christ is the light that shines Him to your children. If you want a connected relationship with Jesus and your children that leads them to your side and His feet, instead of them seeking validation from peers, my Set-Apart Collective program can show you how to reflect Christ in a way that attracts your family to a connected relationship that lasts into eternity.
If you don’t want peers and culture to be the main influence over your child, if you desire to parent to “prepare” your child for eternity with Christ, not repair your relationship with them, the Set-Apart Collective will arm you with a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You’ll also deepen your identity in Christ so you can mentor the way for your children to do the same. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family and you will have the tools to raise set apart kids as you parent the heart, not simply the behavior.
If you’re the mom of an adult child and in need of strengthening connection with them, you can also visit terrihitt.com/coaching and click the link for a free, no obligation conversation call with me. This is a strategic call where I will hear your biggest struggle and show you how to turn it into a blessing that will bring you closer to Christ and your children. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ.
Time is short. Make yours matter for eternity. Remember - if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection with your children and Christ.