Your Children Don't Need Perfection: They Need to Witness Surrender

Christian mothers carry pressure…whether it’s self-induced or we allow others to place it on us.

One of the greatest goals most of us pursue is for our children to excel. But the pressure of meeting that goal can be enormous.

What we need to remember is that God has entrusted mothers with a higher goal…one with an eternal purpose. He calls us to guide the children in our care to love and obey Him. This is the goal we must aspire to “get right” above all.

Christian moms can easily fall into a trap of trying to bring children to Christ in our own strength.

We choose the right church. Respond to disobedience with punishment. Model faith the "right" way. And somewhere along the way, (without realizing it), we can begin to believe that raising children who love Jesus depends on how well we perform as Christian mothers.

But the truth is that your children don’t need (or want) a perfect Christian mother. The children entrusted to you by the Great I Am need a mother in love with Jesus. A mother who beholds Him, reveres Him, and surrenders her thoughts, plans, reactions, words, fears, and expectations to Him. Because she understands that her children learn what following Jesus looks like by watching her follow Him. Because a mother is the first Jesus her children see.

Your Children Watch More Than Your Behavior

Deuteronomy 6:5–7 tells parents: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Notice the order. Before God’s commands are taught to the children, they are written on the hearts of the parents. God intentionally instructs parents to teach their children about Him. But first, He calls parents to love Him with all our heart, soul, and might. We are to weave Him into the everyday while living that devotion for our children to witness and experience.

Breathing Christ in and exhaling Him into the everyday is righteous discipleship. Your children see your reactions, words, and attitudes when life doesn’t go the way you expected. They watch when you’re tired. They watch when someone hurts you. They watch when you’re afraid. They watch when you’ve made a mistake and when you are confused.

Every word, action, and reaction disciples…whether you promote self, the world, or Jesus. Moments that feel like painful interruptions are actually powerful opportunities to show your children genuine faith.

Let Them See Surrender

It’s easy to convince yourself that being a capable Christian mother means your children should only see you composed and confident. But your children need to see surrender through your dependence on Christ.

Let them: Hear you ask for forgiveness. See you read your Bible regularly for God’s truth and wisdom. Hear your prayers and praise. Watch you choose mercy when you’ve been wronged. Consistently see your obedience.

Your children don’t need to think you have every answer. They need to witness surrender through a mom abiding in Christ.

Your Mistakes Become Moments of Discipleship

You may lose your patience sometimes. You’ll misunderstand your child. Or make choices you wish you’d handled differently. You’ll speak too quickly. Or discover areas where your own thinking has been shaped more by culture than Scripture.

None of those moments disqualify you from influencing your child for Christ. Make them opportunities to show your child surrender, repentance, and grace. Imagine the spiritual lesson your child learns when you say, “I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. I was frustrated, but that doesn’t excuse my response. I’m asking Jesus to change this part of me. Will you forgive me?”

We think mindset and action change will occur when we sit down and talk with our children. Sometimes it does. But discipleship also happens in the ordinary moments…when they watch us live what we say we believe.

Surrender Your Child

This can feel like the hardest surrender. After all, our kids are our hearts walking around outside our body. We can become so focused on raising children who follow Christ that we begin trying to control the outcome. We monitor. Manage. Correct. Protect. Plan. Worry. We may even begin measuring our success as mothers by our child’s choices.

But our children belong to God. They were entrusted to us by the One who created them for a purpose.

Our responsibility is to faithfully love His children. Disciple them for Him, teach them, pray for them, correct them, equip them, and model Christ before them. We can’t manufacture faith inside another human heart. We’re not supposed to.

Only God can transform a heart. That simple truth doesn’t diminish the importance of discipleship. But it does put motherhood in its proper place. You are not your child’s savior. Jesus is.

One of the greatest influencers of faith is a mother who mentors her children in Christ…while praying and trusting God with the outcome.

What Do Your Children See?

A woman who repents? One who forgives? A mother consistently in God’s Word…and living those truths?

Do they see a woman who invites God to change her heart, mind, actions and words? A woman who obeys Christ despite what culture teaches and invites? A woman who trusts God when she doesn’t understand?

Generational legacy isn’t built by a mother who never gets anything wrong, but one established through surrender to Christ.

Let Them See Christ in You

Being a mother isn’t meant to prove your capability. In fact, motherhood is one of the places we remember how much we need God. So when you fail, abide to Him. When you’re afraid, abide in Him. When your child struggles, abide in Him. When you’re unsure, abide in Him. When God reveals something you need to change, abide in Him.

Your children need evidence that Jesus does transform a life. Make sure they witness that evidence in you.

One day, when they face their own failures, fears, questions, disappointments, and impossible circumstances, they won’t need to remember a mother who always had it together. They’ll need that mentorship that taught them where to abide. In Christ.

If this is the mother you want to become, I’d love to walk alongside you. Together, we’ll behold and revere Christ, live a faith that points to Him, and intentionally build generational faith. You can find out more about raising children with God's truths in my 4x award-winning bestseller, The Good Mom Trap: Break the LIE That GOOD Parenting Creates GODLY Kids.