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< Back Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 124 - The Most Important Job of a Parent Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 124 – The Most Important Job of a Parent Thank you for sharing your day with me. I pray this podcast gives you the awareness and tools you need to STOP being a GOOD mom and BECOME the GODLY mom God entrusts you to be. Then you will be the SET-APART woman PURPOSELY raising children to chase CHRIST over culture. Just a quick reminder as we start, if you enjoy Purposed Parent Connected Child podcast episodes, would you please share this episode or others with a friend or family member? When you graciously take a moment to do that, and leave a rating or review at Apple Podcast, you are ensuring that others will find the podcast. When you do, you’re helping affect generations for Jesus. Now on to this episode that makes us consider an important question…What is the most important job of a parent? Every job you hold has a description. Think back to any position you’ve ever held. Even if it was your first job, which may have been babysitting, or working at a fast food restaurant, you had a requirement of duties. You had certain responsibilities you were to carry out while performing the job. Motherhood is no different. With this prestigious position, we have certain requirements we must meet. We also have someone we report to and we are expected to meet their requirements for the job they entrusted to us. Today we’ll discuss this holy job description. I remember becoming mother to each of my children. Even though two were biological and two were adopted, the day I met each of them holds a uniquely special place in my heart. I remember my son locking gazes with me as soon as they placed him in my arms. I recall the way my youngest was nine years old, yet a toddler in her actions due to her background. The day we met, she was wary of us, yet hopeful, standing in front of us with hands on hips and bravery etched in her posture. The day each of us have our precious children placed in our arms is obviously different for everyone. It’s a moment forever etched in our mind and heart. For most, in that instant, your heart expands beyond any capacity you knew was capable, and this person becomes someone you love so deeply that you’d die for them, even though you just met. Many of us enter parenthood ready for the responsibility. However, when I was a first time mother, I didn’t feel ready, except that I loved my husband, and together we were bringing our child into the world. Not yet a Christian, my thoughts were to learn and become the best mom I could be. I did everything to become a good mom, wife, and homemaker. I fell short in some ways, but I also grew and succeeded in other ways. Yet, aspiring to be the good mom was actually opposite of the direction I should have headed. It would have given me such relief if I could have been given a manual with each child. Something that would tell me how each of them were wired, and what their interests would be. This guide could prepare me for how to handle their temperament and how to walk them through trials or temptations. How welcome this book would have been for a young mother. As an older mom now, I look back at those early parenting years and wish I could have known things I do now. But the truth is that just like Dorothy with the ruby red slippers, I’ve always had the power. I’ve always held a weapon for success that isn’t secret. God’s Holy Word, the Bible gives us everything we need to know to parent successfully and live a life of joy. The Bible instructs us in how to carry out our most important job. God’s instructions are very clear. We are to teach our kids to love God with all their heart, soul, and might because we do, too. God’s Word shall be on our heart, honored and obeyed, and lovingly shown to our children. We are to weave God and His commandments into everyday conversation and life whether we sit in our house, when we walk by the way, when we lie down, and when we rise. We are to inhale Him so we effortlessly exhale Him as a sweet fragrance that attracts our children to Him. Everything begins with where you place your identity. If it’s not deeply, widely woven by Jesus, your child’s won’t be crafted by Christ, either. Your greatest goal should be that your children love, follow, and obey Jesus. You must be a mirror mentoring Christ over culture. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 makes it very clear that every act of parenting should ultimately point to building a foundation of love and trust in Christ that is strong enough for your child to construct their own solid house of faith that lasts into eternity. If God’s Word makes what our biggest parenting goal should be so clear, why do most parents falter in this area? When asked what they are most concerned about when parenting, most parents respond with different answers. Instead of sharing that they desire to make God clearly known as their first, second, or third answer, many parents remark that they are concerned with entirely different issues. Responses such as strong mental health for their children (specifically addressing depression or anxiety), protecting against bullying, safety concerns, helping their child achieve academic success, and finding ways to better manage screen time are top of mind. When we look at this list of parental concerns, there’s one clear solution to each point. Everything points back to instilling a heart for Jesus and establishing strong identity though Him. When our children build personal identity through relationship with Christ, integrity, character, and habits are formed that protect against what parents are worried about . As they grow in depth and breadth of maturity in their relationship, they learn to take thoughts captive for God and begin daily habits that bring them closer and closer to Him with each moment. As your children witness you seeking God first in daily life, reading His Word and utilizing what you learn in your thoughts, words, desires, and actions, then teach them how to do the same, you are exchanging fleeting treasures of this world for eternal security in the next. When your children see you continue to build and strengthen your identity in Christ, then teach them how to do the same, you are investing in eternal insurance that will bring great dividends for eternity . When your children are taught God’s Truth from you, the first Jesus they will experience, you will mold their heart and mind with eternal treasures that will combat depression and anxiety as they grow in Him. You will fill them with understanding of their purpose in life as they continue to mature. As your children uncover purpose through Christ and use the gifts and talents God crafted within them, they will have less use for mindless screen time and the fleeting interests of this world. As you become a set-apart woman who intentionally parents set-apart kids, your children will stop looking like typical children and teens as they become uniquely equipped to navigate life in this world in ways that will bring peace and security in Heaven. Why is it that believing women raise typical kids who grow into typical adults? Because we fall into the trap of living life day to day with the same patterns we’ve used in the past. Instead of relying on the power of the Holy Spirit within , we mindlessly live in the easiest or most convenient ways. Sometimes we think we’ll get to training about God later or that our kids aren’t mentally ready for certain topics, but the truth is that the devil deceives. It’s way too easy to follow his ways of the world instead of purposely pursuing the only One who can give us and our children or families what we truly desire in the depths of our spirit. If you desire your children to carry peace that passes understanding, love, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control, as is promised in Galatians 5:22-23, you must be purposed in making Christ known moment by moment in your life in order to mentor to your child how to show Him in their lives. A once a week trip to church together won’t secure your child’s walk with Christ. It’s a day in, day out process of submitting self, moment by moment, and mentoring Jesus to your watching children. It’s knowing, showing, and experiencing the power of Christ together with the joy and peace that comes from an intentionally close relationship with Jesus. Parents are merely human. We don’t carry special powers or traits that allow us to do everything ourselves, as much as we would like to think we can. We must submit to the Father and receive the Son. Through the Holy Spirit within, you can attract your child to Jesus. Because of free will, none of us can guarantee that our children will accept Jesus as their personal Savior, but we can rest assured that we have done everything to lead them to His feet and heart. Dear Heavenly Father, You reign over us from Heaven, yet you live on earth and within our heart. Anywhere we go, You are present. Thank You for that hope and truth. May we live with ever more awareness of who You are and whose we are. May our children see the love and dedication we have for You because we passionately pursue You moment by moment and show our reliance on You. May we never draw our children, spouse, or others to self, but to You. May we honor You with purpose that exalts You and brings us into alignment with all You have for us. Thank you for including us in Your plans and showing us the way to You. May we climb in Your arms and rest there as we abide in Your glory, care, and love. May our children follow with even more desire for You. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen. If you’re ready to become the godly mom God entrusts you to be for Him and His children, you might like my free “Good to Godly: A 31-Day Scripture and Prayer Guide for Moms.” Visit terrihitt.com to receive this resource. You are the first Jesus your child will see. Your relationship with Christ is the light that shines Him to your children. If you want a connected relationship with Jesus and your children that leads them to your side and His feet, instead of them seeking validation from peers, my Set-Apart Collective program can show you how to reflect Christ in a way that attracts your family to a connected relationship that lasts into eternity. If you don’t want peers and culture to be the main influence over your child, if you desire to parent to “prepare” your child for eternity with Christ, not repair your relationship with them, the Set-Apart Collective will arm you with a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You’ll also deepen your identity in Christ so you can mentor the way for your children to do the same. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family and you will have the tools to raise set apart kids as you parent the heart, not simply the behavior. Visit terrihitt.com/coaching and click the link for a free, no obligation conversation call with me. This is a strategic call where I will hear your biggest struggle and show you how to turn it into a blessing that will bring you closer to Christ and your children. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ. Time is short. Make yours matter for eternity. Remember - if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection with your children and Christ. Previous Next

Mothers are the front line to mentor Jesus. You're the first Jesus your child sees. The Purposed Parent Connected Child podcast will lead you to parent with Christ in the center of your heart and home as you prayerfully parent with purpose. Purposed Parent, Connected Child Transcriptions Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 124 - The Most Important Job of a Parent Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 123 - One Secret to Connecting With Your Kids Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 122 - Do You Know How to Play With Your Kids? Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 121 - Are You Raising Good Kids? Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 120 - How to Train Your Child to Rely on Scripture Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 119 - How Can I Reflect Christ to My Children? Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 118 - How to Help Your Kids Develop Biblical Worldview Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 117 - Should Kids Be Spanked? Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 116 - Do Your Children Think You Play Favorites? Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 115 - How to Teach Your Child to Turn From Sin and to God's Grace Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 114 - How Do You Know if You're Fully Submitted to Jesus? Read More Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 113 - Are You Parenting Your Toddlers for the Teen Years? Read More

< Back Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 123 - One Secret to Connecting With Your Kids Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 123 – One Secret to Connecting With Your Kids Thank you for sharing your day with me. I pray this podcast gives you the awareness and tools you need to STOP being a GOOD mom and BECOME the GODLY mom God entrusts you to be. Then you will be the SET-APART woman PURPOSELY raising children to chase CHRIST over culture. Just a quick reminder as we start, if you enjoy Purposed Parent Connected Child podcast episodes, would you please share this episode or others with a friend or family member? When you graciously take a moment to do that, and leave a rating or review at Apple Podcast, you are ensuring that others will find the podcast. When you do, you’re helping affect generations for Jesus. Now on to this episode that shares one secret to connecting with your kids… I want you to lean in for this episode. I’m actually glad this is a podcast and we’re not sitting face-to-face. You know why? Today I’m sharing one fantastic way to get your kids to open up faster than many other ways you’ve tried. Do you know what that secret is? The back of your head. Seriously. This view of you can seem attractive to your children for many reasons. Let me share a story of my own to prove the point. My youngest loves to use my bathroom. Why not? The master bedroom tub is three times as big as the tub in her sister’s bathroom. Brooklyn’s room only has a shower, and that’s no fun; there’s no way you can float in there. So, my bathroom it is! One evening I was using my shower, and Brooklyn was in the tub. Although it was hard to hear her voice, my daughter insisted on talking to me. While I was barely able to hear her over the waterfall flowing over my head and unable to see her face, she began sharing what she could remember of an incident at the orphanage she lived in for nine years before we were blessed to bring her home with us. As she floated in the warm bath water, and I was nearby, but couldn’t stare into her eyes and cause her to cry or be distracted, she opened up about time that was painful. My experience with her that evening showcased the point that opening up is often easier when eye contact isn’t being made. Think of the opportunities this opens up for you to interact verbally with your child – or your moment may arrive while in the car, walking together, or in darkness while relaxing at home together. So the secret we’re talking about today is to connect with your child in multiple ways while you’re not face-to-face. Using that as the foundation of this episode, I want to share ways to foster conversation using that guideline. So use this guide while you’re in the car, walking outside side by side, or sitting at home in a low-dimmed room before bedtime. One of the ways is what I mentioned briefly already. Use the car as a safe place to talk. Kids often open up to the back of your head faster than your face when they are struggling. It can be challenging for your children to see emotions on your face when they share something vulnerable. Or it can be too emotional for them to look into your eyes. Sometimes they need to share before hearing or seeing judgement or emotion. Kids (like adults) open up when they feel safe, when they don’t feel judged, and feel they can speak freely. Remember to keep yourself from making conversation feel like a chore or burden for your child. If you’re not used to sharing close connection or a lot of communication, use your time and words wisely. Use discernment and prayerful guidance about what and when you share about yourself, your past or your present. Remember that your vulnerability and wisdom can open up lines of communication and deeper connection. But don’t lay details on your child who might not be ready to deal with topics or information that isn’t age appropriate. One way to get kids to open up easier is to ask open-ended questions. Instead of asking, “What did you do today,” consider saying, “What’s one thing that made you smile today?” or “What interested you the most today?” Reword questions so they don’t come across as demanding. For example, instead of What did you do at lunch that often elicits a response like, “I don’t know,” say something like, “I had an interesting time at lunch today. I ate with _________ and it made me wonder who you were sharing lunch with today.” Make the questions true conversation so your child is drawn into the relational aspects of conversation. Briefly talk about your day or your friends, etc. before you ask about theirs. Instead of giving advice (unless asked for it), listen to your child, acknowledge feelings, and make appropriate comments to what they share. For example, It seems like something might be bothering you.” Or “Thank you for sharing that.” Or “That sounds like it would be frustrating for me. How did it make you feel?” Don’t get offended by responses. Sometimes kids seem distant or sarcastic before they open up. Words can be a defensive mechanism. Attitude and responses can be guided by where your relationship is with them currently or through things they are experiencing. Also remember to spend time with your child doing fun activities they love. Because you’re already building connection, communication will be easier and will guide the ways they open up. Dear Heavenly Father, how great You are. Thank you for showing us Your glory and sovereignty. Thank you for entrusting us with Your precious children. Enable us to respond to them in ways that honor You and draw them nearer to You in every way. Equip us to seek You first because You know the hearts and minds of our children and want the very best for them. Please help us to have beautiful connection with our kids because their heart is tied to Yours. Help us listen with grace and love as our children speak to us. May our responses be driven by You and may Your wisdom and insight guard every word from our mouth. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen. If you’re ready to become the godly mom God entrusts you to be for Him and His children, you might like my free “Good to Godly: A 31-Day Scripture and Prayer Guide for Moms.” Visit terrihitt.com to receive this resource. You are the first Jesus your child will see. Your relationship with Christ is the light that shines Him to your children. If you want a connected relationship with Jesus and your children that leads them to your side and His feet, instead of them seeking validation from peers, my Set-Apart Collective program can show you how to reflect Christ in a way that attracts your family to a connected relationship that lasts into eternity. If you don’t want peers and culture to be the main influence over your child, if you desire to parent to “prepare” your child for eternity with Christ, not repair your relationship with them, the Set-Apart Collective will arm you with a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You’ll also deepen your identity in Christ so you can mentor the way for your children to do the same. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family and you will have the tools to raise set apart kids as you parent the heart, not simply the behavior. Visit terrihitt.com/coaching and click the link for a free, no obligation conversation call with me. This is a strategic call where I will hear your biggest struggle and show you how to turn it into a blessing that will bring you closer to Christ and your children. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ. Time is short. Make yours matter for eternity. Remember - if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection with your children and Christ. Previous Next

When I became a parent at the age of eighteen, I had never held, fed, or diapered a newborn . Everything I knew about parenting came from babysitting my younger siblings. Of course, I also considered how my parents had raised me, but we had a lot of times left alone as children, and I was determined to change what I didn't like. That also left me free to incorporate what I did appreciate. Because of my inexperience, I respected authorities in the parenting space at the time I became a mother. Whether that figure came in the form of doctor, magazine article or book I read, or simply through speaking with and observing other parents, at my young age, I respected voices that seemed to carry wisdom, as well as established older mothers. I believed they must know what they were talking about simply because they were experienced. When my husband and I raised our first set of children we disciplined them as we had been punished as kids. When the need was there, we spanked. However, years later, when my husband and I knew God was calling us to bring home our sweet baby girl in China, we considered what God would consider the correct way to raise and discipline the precious child He was gifting to us. By this time, we had matured our walk with God through a deeper relationship with Christ. As we considered how we parented our first set of children, we also considered whether our techniques reflected God or followed societal expectations. One of the things we reconsidered was our method of discipline. Checking our Thoughts About Spanking Did you know that the word discipline actually means " training to act in accordance with rules? " After we parented our first set of children, we could see that the way we'd corrected behavior in our previous set of children had largely been to train them to follow rules. But those rules were the way we expected them to behave according to expectations of society . We wanted them to grow up to be kind, successful, loving rule followers who did what was expected. As we prepared to begin our second journey of parenthood a generation later when we brought our baby home, we realized we had parented the first time more from a worldly viewpoint, rather than drilling down to discover exactly how God desired us to parent through His Word . We were young and ignorant, although we were always told that we carried such wisdom for our age. Instead of seeking insight from God's Word, studying the mistakes and successes of biblical characters, and praying for God's constant direction with each of our first two children, we unknowingly gave higher priority to the "experts" of this world rather than God's Word. Because we were adopting a baby who would already be ten months old when she came to us, we made sure to study and learn much about adoption parenting, which included building strong connection. Learning these techniques made such sense to me. In fact, this parenting style seemed to be the best way to build strong attachment with any child, not just one who came from challenging places. Checking the World's View on Spanking As my mindset shifted from a "typical" foundation of parenting, I deeply desired to be a mother who was pleasing to God first, and who built strong attachment with my child that would lead her to strong connection with Christ . I recalled that the word discipline actually means " training to act in accordance with rules" and realized the key was in training kids to follow God's rules instead of the world's expectations. Finding the way to guide the heart of my baby daughter and connecting deeper with my older children would come through viewing discipline not as punishment, but as discipleship for Him . What do I mean by discipline as discipleship, not punishment ? I'll share a story that will highlight my explanation. I was on a neighborhood walk recently when a loose dog was crisscrossing the street and a screech of brakes alerted me that it was almost hit. Terrified by the sound and the loud voice of the driver, the dog stood frozen in front of the car. When the owner heard the commotion and saw his dog standing in the roadway, he lovingly called from his yard for the dog to come to him. Seeing his beloved, trusted master and hearing his sweet call, the dog quickly ran home, expecting safety. Instead, as soon as the dog reached him, the owner beat his dog and yelled at him for being in the street. Will this act change the behavior of the dog? You may argue that a dog and a child can’t be compared as they don’t reason the same. However, according to developmental tests reported by NBC News, even the average dog has the abilities of a toddler. In some areas, dogs are even more intelligent than preschoolers. Speaking of preschoolers, according to a study by the American Psychological Association, they’re the most likely group to be spanked. I don’t want to make this post to come across as shaming, but I do want parents to realize the gravity of the gift we’ve been given. We are raising children for the Great I Am. Checking Expectations Around Spanking We want to be good parents.   Of course we want to do our best. But remember, our best falls far below the standard of our holy Heavenly Father. That’s why we must, as those entrusted to parent for God , stop and evaluate the reasoning behind why we make specific decisions and why we take certain actions to discipline or disciple. Why do some parents choose to spank instead of correcting their children in another way? What do we think we’re teaching our children when we respond with such forceful correction? Should spanking be the first act a parent takes when a child needs correcting? Are parents behaving biblically when they spank? Or are they succumbing to frustration? What prompts a parent to grab the belt, hair brush, or forcefully use their hand in an effort to teach their child? Most parents who spank were spanked as children. It’s the way they were raised, so it’s what they remember and revert to. But does that mean it is the best method for training God’s children in righteousness? Is spanking the choice we should make to build connection with God and us ? Many parents also share that the reason they spank is to cause pain that changes the behavior of their child. We have to consider what type of changes pain will bring. Surprisingly, research also indicates that parents will hit their child more frequently when they are an active or strong-willed boy between the ages of three to four. When you hear that statistic, how does it make you feel? Does the fact that boys disrupt quiet or make messes make them targets for spanking? Does spanking make them better men when they grow up? Or will a relationship built through teaching and connection make the necessity to spank disappear? The answers to these questions are what parents should seek before deciding to spank. Frequency of spanking also varies based on parental or child age, race, gender, education, or socio economic status of the family. The topic of spanking is a divisive one. Most people have feelings one way or another. As I shared earlier, those feelings often stem from the way parents were disciplined as a child. Checking God's Word on Spanking One Bible verse is often quoted as evidence to back pro-spanking parents. Proverbs 13:24  says, “ Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” If we look at the verse with an observant, knowledgeable heart and take our thoughts captive for Christ to prayerfully seek God’s wisdom in this area, we may come to a different conclusion about spanking. For example, Strong’s Lexicon, a type of concordance, teaches that the rod  was generally a stick used by shepherds for protecting and guiding their flocks. Shepherds used the rod to steer the sheep in the right direction, or to keep them gathered when they strayed. The rod was also used to fend off predators or warn and comfort the sheep. Used these ways, the rod isn’t  a tool for inflicting injury. Instead, it is a tool for loving, protective guidance . When many parents hear the word discipline, they imagine spanking or another form of punishment. However in biblical days the meaning was quite different. In the semitic root, the word rod refers to a type of measuring stick. In the same way we use a yardstick today, the rod was used to measure distances to danger or to measure the growth of sheep in the shepherd’s care . The rod was not intended to inflict pain upon people or sheep. The word rod is also used for scepter. Although the verse from Proverbs 13:24   is usually interpreted as a directive to spank children, when we consider how a scepter was used, we understand that it could be used to extend grace and mercy or death by the King. Since the king wouldn’t speak much or at all to his subjects, he would often make his intentions or directives known by his scepter, the recognized symbol of authority. Whether it was the king or an appointed servant using the scepter, it was understood that the instrument held authority. So as we read Proverbs 13:24 we can see that the rod is seen as the idea of authority , not a literal rod. If you also consider that it was Solomon who penned the verse in Proverbs, you must remember that he was a king. His terminology would have been written with the mindset of one who used the scepter for the purposes I just shared. As king, Solomon was an authority figure to many, but remember, he was also a father, or symbol of authority to his children. Using this frame of thinking, we can reason that Solomon wasn’t condoning beating children, but instead encouraged using the rod, which would be showing love or direction. So, when parents extend the rod, we are paying attention  to what our children are doing. We are considering the current situation, as well as looking forward to the future. We are choosing to extend mercy by correcting the behavior, not simply punishing. Checking the Heart Regarding Spanking Dealing with a situation we need to address doesn’t mean to beat or spank. But it doesn’t mean to ignore the actions of our children, either. Just as God extends mercy and forgiveness to us when we are disobedient, He also allows us to suffer consequences. Consequences will differ depending on the act and repercussions, but God doesn’t desire that we beat down children mentally, emotionally, or physically. His discipline is always designed to reach and transform our heart  for Him. Just as we should intentionally strive to do with the children He entrusted to our care. Correcting with our children means instructing and guiding in ways that lead to Christlikeness and connection through heart change . Remember, lack  of discipline can cause destructive or ungodly morals and behavior. So does the wrong   kind  of discipline. Discipline offered in anger can destroy connection and confidence in the parent, then ultimately in Christ. Spanking doesn’t show loving discipline that exhibits clear connection between the action of the child and the consequence. Spanking is often done in anger or bitterness, frustration or embarrassment, or even because of a feeling of disrespect. Spanking often resembles beating and can inflict injury, but doesn’t reach the heart  of the child. Also, parents often spank in the heat of the moment and can accidentally abuse their child. Since spanking isn’t tied to natural consequences of the behavior, it has often been shown to increase aggressiveness in children. Instead of resorting to spanking quickly, pay attention to the times your child is misbehaving. Could it be when you’re very distracted or busy and your child is trying to get your attention? Is your child misbehaving because he is tired or hungry? Look for the root cause and discipline to bring about godly discipleship. Remember, discipline  should be loving guidance  and correction that disciples the heart , not a form of punishment. Discipline comes in many forms. Children are unique. There is no “one size meets all requirements” approach. But I do believe every parent should see the word discipline as discipleship to keep them accountable to building relationship and connection between their child and God. All godly correction should allow children to grow up with closer connection to Christ and family, and a joy-filled life with respect for their Heavenly Father and society. Discipline should be a step that builds transformation of the heart of your child. Checking God's Will Regarding Spanking If a parent still intends to spank, I don't recommend it as a first form of correction. Just as I said earlier, children are unique on purpose. Just as God reaches each of us in different ways over time, parents must find what form of discipline works for each child. Be careful not to use a strong-willed child as an excuse to spank. Find ways to craft that strong will into a strong heart for godliness and with connection for Christ . Your child’s will must be guided, not squashed into rebellion. Alternate means of correction might be: loss of privileges, time out, time in, stern looks, hand signals, a hushed voice, work, or redirection of behavior. Use your situation to find natural consequences for teaching your children, but always remain mindful of the objective of stepping them closer to God and changing their heart for Him through the form of correction you choose. When a child misbehaves or disobeys, it’s important to locate the root cause  in order to reach their heart for change. Remember, discipline should be correction and training toward discipleship, not punishment. Discipline should be designed as an instrument that assists in correcting behavior and facilitating heart change . Spanking doesn’t get to the core of what needs correcting. Correcting behavior (which stems from the heart of your child) allows you to draw your child’s heart nearer to Christ. Addressing heart issues moves the child closer to transformation, both in the heart and in the behavior that stems from it. Spanking punishes, but doesn’t change the heart, except perhaps planting bitterness that can place a wedge between parent and child, or more importantly, between Christ and child. Proverbs 9:10  which says, “ The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding .” Apart from the Lord we don’t have wisdom or understanding. Both are needed as you prayerfully determine whether God calls you to spank His children. Remember, that in order to change behavior, children should also see that their parents acknowledge their own personal sins. They need to understand that Mom and Dad repent to God. Then they understand that correction is a lifelong process for both children and adults. They begin to understand that we all need behavior that is fitting to the Lord. Everyone needs to honor God and submit to Him so we develop obedience and closer relationship with Him. Consider this thought - spanking doesn’t teach children to obey the parent or obey God out of love, trust, or obedience. We know that God’s grace and mercy should be the motivator used to discipline children. Discipline should be intended to draw the heart and mind of children nearer to the heart and mind of God. Using discipleship as discipline is the way to reach the heart. God’s Word teaches, corrects, trains, equips, and forgives. Your method of correcting should do the same, while building a foundation for your children to desire God’s Word and ways. Make sure you and your spouse are prayerfully  aligned, so you’ll follow how God instructs you  to discipline to disciple His children. Together, under God's direction, you will discern whether spanking is biblical.

One busy afternoon my youngest child came to me as I worked in the office, her smile so trusting and bright as she met my eyes with her gaze. After pushing her palm toward me, she pulled her fingers back, revealing a tiny cherry tomato grown in her garden. As I reached for her gift, thoughts swarmed my mind. The first were, "I'm not hungry." "I already had several tomatoes today and too many cause stomach problems." "I hope she washed it." As fast as those intruders pressed at me, God covered them with His truth. "How loving of her to think of me." I returned her delight with a smile of my own and reached for her offering. After popping it in my mouth to taste the sweet juice, I had one reply. "You grow the best cherry tomatoes." How often life presents gifts such as this! Moments that seems like an interruption become a divine meeting between opportunity and a decision to love. After my daughter and I shared a hug, I thanked her, and we chatted a bit before she left my side with lightness in her step and joy on her face. Our connection made her feel like the best gardener in the world. A giving daughter. Seen. Appreciated. Loved. Treasured. Lord, please help me hear You whisper when opportunities are presented that might be interpreted as distractions. Help me recognize Your hand in events. Even those I see as problems or pressures. Each day You offer moments I can choose to grasp or let flutter to the ground unseen or unused. May my heart be more in alignment with yours each day. Let it shine You. May it bring my family closer to me, each other, and You . May You shine from me so brightly that my children can’t stay away from the flame of Your great love. Help me live with the delight of a child offering gifts from my heart because mine is deeply entwined with Yours. What a blessing to be aware and ready to grasp God's gifts! Precious Father keep my mind and heart alert to possibilities that You present each day. My daughter and the fruits of her labor highlight the fruits of Your labor in our lives. May the work of our hands always highlight the work of Yours. May my reactions always honor You and bring my child straight to Your arms.

When I parented my first set of children, I was a baby myself. Having them at eighteen and twenty-one made me the youngest mother everywhere I went. Since I had no experience, I wish I could proclaim that I’d carried confidence and courage to parent the unique children God entrusted to me, but instead, I was swayed by parents, doctors, older friends, and books or magazine articles I read. Everyone applauded me for being such a good mother. Although the praise felt wonderful, I didn’t know what I know now. I needed to stop being a good mom. What’s wrong with being a good mom? Nothing…and everything. My husband and I did everything the world expects you to do when raising children. We were present, supportive, loving, kind, and complimentary. All our children’s needs and most of their wants were provided. They had birthday parties with friends, celebrated holidays with lots of family, received vehicles when they began to drive and had good friends. We were very good parents.  In hindsight, and after deep introspection, I can see that our parenting was also worldly. Instead of humbly submitting to God moment by moment and asking for direction on how to raise each of our unique children for Him, we loved God and spoke of God, yet ignorantly supported our children with worldly direction and wisdom. It took deep introspection to see that being a good mom might seem right to most people, but God requires us to be godly parents. Fast forward almost twenty years…my husband and I weren’t even forty when both of our children graduated from high school. By the time my husband and I were in our early forties, God surprised us with a plan neither of us had seen coming. We both experienced what we called a dream or a vision that showed us we had a daughter in China. When we compared our stories, we knew God was at work. As we began looking back on our parenting years and assessing what we felt was done well and what we would want to change, we began praying together for guidance on how to raise this baby in all ways that would give God joy and allow her to be a light for Him. Over the years, our relationship with Jesus had matured, and we knew that He was offering us both an opportunity to parent with an eternal perspective. When our baby (the one we brought home from China) was four years old, our oldest daughter passed away at the age of twenty-nine. It was the deepest hurt I’ve experienced. I had to remind myself to breathe because the pain crushing my chest made it hard to inhale. After this loss, I felt like I lived with one foot here and one in Heaven. Through this deep grief, God exposed His character in ways I had never imagined. I was walking closely with Him but never had to rely on the truths I had read and learned from the Bible. When I was forced to choose whether I would faithfully believe in His goodness and provisions, He proved to me that He is everything His Word says and more than I can comprehend. His faithfulness, mercy, and compassion lifted me above the depth of despair and carried me until I could stand on my feet again. Yet, I didn’t leave His arms. My experience taught me that the safest place to stay is beneath His wings, where He provides all I need for the moment. Now, I am able to parent with an eternal perspective that has been refined through God’s holy love and intimate care. I’m no longer a good mother, but I strive each moment to become a godlier parent for the beautiful children He has entrusted to my care. Those are just several topics I discussed with my friend, Ruth Hovsepian. Ruth is a speaker, writer, and podcast host of "Out of the Darkness." She invites women to find peace, joy, and fulfillment in life through practical tips and tools. Ruth has a mighty testimony herself, and I hope you enjoy listening enough that you get to hear more of her podcast. We recorded this podcast episode together, and I hope you'll take a listen, because our conversation will impact you and your family for ETERNITY: Here's several takeaways from our podcast episode together: ✔ Parenting with eternal perspective means relying on Christ and inhaling God's presence to exhale it onto our children. ✔ Discipleship is crucial in raising children with a strong foundation in Christ. ✔ Even as parents of older children, it is never too late to minister to them and help them grow in their faith. ✔ Being present emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually is essential in parenting. ✔ Difficult parenting experiences can help us grow closer to God and strengthen our relationships with our children. Click here to listen to my conversation with Ruth Hovsepian.