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Jesus crafts intimate lessons for our family daily. Countless memories have been created in our kitchen while simply working together. I treasure each in my heart, while pondering how God entrusts me with such simple , yet essential and momentous points in time. Turning points aren’t always grand, yet they carry tremendous value. God’s gifts are often wrapped in trials. Our family washes dishes by hand (after our dishwasher stopped working several years ago). People actually get anxious when I admit that we didn’t run out to replace this appliance immediately. They say they couldn’t imagine living without a dishwasher . Do I miss it? Sometimes. I definitely do on the days we are in and out of the house with just enough time to eat and spread dirty dishes everywhere. Most days , no. Why ? I cherish the time spent with my family while completing chores together . We have a system. Usually, I wash and rinse dishes, and Marissa dries and puts them away. Many times, my husband will join in to help dry and put the dishes away, too. While we take care of dishes, Brooklyn folds and puts away the laundry we washed that day (she brings it to the kitchen to work on). May I share that she doesn’t just fold it. The items look professionally pressed. She “ hand irons ” pieces as she folds, lovingly forming soft creases in the fabric that express her deep gratitude for us, her beloved family. My mother’s eye observes and treasures special qualities God blessed us with in our home, and they way we commit their use to one another in His honor . We usually have the best discussions while everyone is gathered together without distractions . Often, we sing and dance while music is played and we always find something to laugh about. Even the dogs join in. Can you believe our Mini Schnauzer loves us to sing to her? One day last week, the girls and I were listening to a variety of songs as we worked. Naively, I chose one that I had not listened to in years . Instruments sounded the opening chords of a piece I used to enjoy with my oldest daughter, Jaime in her teen years. A realization pierced me . I have officially lived twice as long as Jaime . My age is 58 years. My beloved daughter died at age 29. Then, another thought occurred. Jaime was born when I was 18. It has been 10 years since she passed away. That means I have now lived a total of 28 years of my life without her . Now I have lived a little over half of my life without her . My heart seized at the realization . I wept . My pain wasn’t expressed in a loud, sobbing cry, but with a quiet, resigned sadness that understands I cannot change anything, yet accepts that sorrow will always line my soul with the painful loss only God has carried me through. Soon, the years will begin adding up so that I have lived more and more of my life without her. It’s not supposed to be that way. Children are supposed to live longer than parents. The imperfections in this world could rip apart our relationship with God . Yet, He doesn’t desire it to . “He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge.” Psalm 91:4 He created us to desire Him . Not only in the good times . A best friend cradles and carries you . They never leave your side in the hardest moments . That is Jesus . My best friend . “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed. Because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 As my silent tears exposed my grief, Marissa tightly hugged me. We shared the longest embrace I can remember. Wishing she could erase my pain, yet understanding that I had to embrace this season of it, my daughter simply and bravely stood with me in it. She acknowledged my grief and loved me in it . Just like Jesus does . Our broken dishwasher was a catalyst for the continued work the Lord was crafting in my personal journey, as well as in our family connection. The multi-faceted mystery of God is so much more than we see or imagine . Faith continues growing in our home. In our lives. In our hearts. In the actions of my children. I am immensely thankful for the love we share each day. I’m also grateful for the tears . “Jesus wept.” John 11:35 Just like me. Just like you. “You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in your book?” Psalm 56:8 Jesus is so concerned about our pain that He lovingly keeps track of what we do and what happens to us, storing our tears in a bottle, personally and intimately caring about every single event that occurs in our lives. Beautiful examples are modeled for us to follow for others . Marissa couldn’t store my tears or pain in a bottle, but she could stand with me . In the pain. No words needed. Just like Jesus.

Many years ago, a person I attended church with, but did not really know, posted a question on Facebook. I remember seeing her post and knowing without hesitation what my answer was. “Who is your best friend?”  she asked. I typed, “ Jesus .” It didn’t take long before I was questioned. “Write your true best friend,” she wrote back. “ He is ,” I replied. I remember feeling slightly hurt that she would try to get me to change my answer. Yet, I couldn’t . Of course, my husband is the next answer. Yet, I cannot deny that Jesus is truly my very best friend. It would feel like a lie if I had not answered with His name. Jeremiah 1:19b promises, “For I am with you,” says the Lord, “to deliver you.” God’s presence in my life makes all the difference . He has absolutely changed me from the inside out. When I accepted Jesus as my Savior, everything changed . Not at once. It took me a while to truly let myself be transformed. In fact, I’m still a work in progress. But I hope that when I die people will know without question that I loved the Lord with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind. I want my life to reflect what He has done for me so that it will attract others to Him . Because Jesus is my best friend. Who is your best friend? A best friend is defined as “a person’s closest friend.” Jesus has carried me through extremely tough situations and seasons . Although He allowed things to happen, He never left me. He has a purpose for all that happens . Only Jesus knows how to comfort me and reach in perfect ways that draw me nearer to Him . My tears are placed into His bottle and He keeps track of all my wanderings (Psalm 56:8). When I pray and cry aloud, He shall hear my voice (Psalm 55:17). When I cast my burdens on the Lord, He shall sustain me (Psalm 55:22). Whenever I am afraid, I can trust in Him (Psalm 56:3). I cannot ignore or deny His presence . He has blessed me beyond measure when I am unworthy. I will praise His name, for it is good . Who is your best friend? The lovingkindness of the Lord is better than life (Psalm 63:3) . He is the first person I think of when I awaken, and the last person in my thoughts before I drift to sleep. Jesus is my best friend . “Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:8 Is Jesus your best friend, too? He desires to be . “ Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands! Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing. Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,  And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting. And His truth endures to all generations .” Psalm 100:1-5

The world continuously pushes messages of self : self-awareness, self-focus, self-esteem, self-identity. Friends tell us to be strong when we face adversary. Quotes instruct us to look within for strength. Instead of asking for prayer , people often ask for “good vibes.” What we need is to read and practice the truths in the Bible. Understanding and believing Christ will set us free . Otherwise, we just become self-absorbed. When we are believers in Christ, followers of Jesus, He abides in us . His power lives in us . We have all we need . But do we believe that truth? Do we live like it ? “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12b-13 Are you asking God to work in you to do His good pleasure? Do you desire to be blameless and harmless as you shine His light into this dark world? Those of us who confess to be Christians must actually practice the very same discipline that Jesus employed when He obeyed God. The truth is that God actually helps us desire obedience to Him! When Christ lives in us, and we direct our hearts to obedience in and through Him, we have direct access to His strength. Are you growing a personal relationship with Him? Simply ask Him to give you the desire to want to do His will and ask Him for the strength and obedience to follow and obey Him . And mean it. If we train ourselves to think like Christ through daily reading of His word, relying on the indwelling Holy Spirit to give us wisdom and understanding, follow Him in loving submissiveness, and serve others as He calls us to, we will gain access to a deeper walk with Him and even more desire to follow as He directs. As we follow Him, we gain even more desire to do so. He wants obedient and submissive hearts. Are you harnessing the full power of Christ in your life? None of us are. “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, it will be opened.” Luke 11:9 I believe there is so much we are missing out on. This world does not have the answers. Christ does. The miracle of the Holy Spirit alive in us and the blessing of prayer and the power it holds are mysteries we are barely tapping into. Don’t look within. Don’t look around at what others have or are doing. Look Up to find all you need . Then start claiming what He promises to those who love and obey Him.

Are you ever distracted when you pray ? Sometimes I pray with my whole heart. Other times, my mind wanders while I try to focus on all I have going on around me, while still attempting to connect with my Heavenly Father. The peril of being human is full of conflict and chaos and temptation . But it is God I am trying to speak to . I wish I could focus 100% each time I go to my Heavenly Father in prayer. Yet I cannot. Sometimes I’m so focused that I’m brought to tears . Other times I begin praying with various scattered thoughts flying through my mind. But I am working diligently to center on God and completely erase distractions . How beautiful it is when we sit in the presence of the Lord and bask in Him, His light, goodness, truth, and love. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14 God knows we are human. He made us that way. But that isn’t an excuse . If I am having trouble focusing when I pray, I stop and remember Who I am speaking to . I treat my wandering mind simply, and pretend that I’m talking to another human in the room with me. They would want my undivided attention. Then I take it to the next level . If a person would expect my attention, how much more does God deserve my full attention and respect ? That helps me deepen my focus closer to the way God would want me to approach Him . I also ask God to help me to discipline my mind to focus on Him in the way He calls me to, and try to picture Him, gazing into my eyes, before me me as I pray . “Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.” Hebrews 3:1 I remember times I’ve faced God without words to speak, because my spirit hurt so deeply, but my Heavenly Father knew my heart. “Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27 How gracious is our God ? When we, as believers, are in deep pain and cannot verbalize what we desire, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us before God with groans that words cannot express. He tenderly and patiently cares for us in deeply personal ways . “Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31 The love and devotion my Father has for me presses me to continue striving to be more like Him . As for my prayer life, I will use my heart to form the gratitude and devotion growing more intimate each day as I communicate with Him. I can never get too close to God . The prayers Jesus offered serve as beautiful examples for me to study . Continuing to lift my eyes, thoughts, soul, and heart toward Him as I converse with my Father through my days, and when I kneel to pray, I will worship with my ever-present God, who seeks and deserves my focus and devotion. I will impress His greatness on my heart and remember His faithfulness to me, for He has “ inscribed me on the palms of His hands.” (Isaiah 49:16) He cares for me . He cares for you . Intimately and personally .

Life can be exquisitely beautiful. Or our lives can be incredibly painful. When we’ve been hurt, trusting that God is good can be extremely difficult. Where was He when the bad things or acts happened? No one is immune to the destruction and evil this world can bring. Believers and non-believers experience hardships and tragedies. Some experience pure evilness. Yet, when we read about creation in Genesis, we see that God saw what He made was good. After He added man and woman, God saw what He created was “very good.” Even after the fall of creation and sin was conceived in the world through disobedience, God remained faithful to His creation. He did not abandon us or wipe away what He had made. God already knew what would happen before He created us. Some ask, “Why trust a God who allows such horrendous activities to happen?” The Bible tells us that God did not create evil. But He does allow it. “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.” John 10:10a This fact has caused some to doubt His existence or fail to trust God. Yet, from the very beginning of creation, He set boundaries for His people. Adam and Eve chose to disobey. God gives His creation free will. Although He sets guidelines for us, He never forces us to follow them. We each choose daily whether to sin or obey God’s commands. Just as ripples in a pond affect the surrounding water, my sin affects others. While we feel that some acts of disobedience are more horrendous than others, God sees all sin the same. Consequences of trespasses affect us personally, just as our sin affects people we know and even some we don’t. The sins we choose (or turn away from) today affects future generations. It touches the way we act and react to those we love, molding relationships. 2 Thessalonians 2:7 warns us, “For the mystery of lawlessness is already at work; only He who now restrains will do so until He is taken out of the way.” God allows us free choice, yet He still enables the Holy Spirit to restrain the full force of the evil that exists in this world. Satan and evil are real. From the time sin entered the world, mankind and nature have felt the brutal effects of our disobedience. Yet, God still loves us. He never wanted this choice for us. In fact, He even made a way for us to be relieved from sin through Jesus. Even His son was not immune to the evil in this world. Jesus warned us of what to beware of. “These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 When we have been deeply hurt by sin, especially in an act committed by another, our natural inclination can be to curl into ourselves. Or to lash out at others. Sometimes we get angry at God or turn away from Him for not stopping the event. While these can be considered natural reactions to the pain and suffering, none of the responses help us or resolve the deep emotional, physical, or mental wounds we endured or now carry. Only God can heal. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 God keeps His promises. We cannot comprehend His ways, or what He allows. Faith is complete confidence or a strong belief, not total understanding. “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” Psalm 34:19 God never wanted sin to enter our world, but He knew it would. He uses it, without controlling our free will, to draw us nearer to Him, when we allow Him access to our pain through faith, trust, and hope in Him. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 He also allows and equips us to minister to others through our experiences. “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 God’s promises are certain. Yet, He wants His people to believe and claim His promises. He desires to be the Lord of our lives. But He waits for us to invite Him to be the center of everything we are and do. Call upon Him, so He can respond. Allow Him to create beauty where there were ashes, as only He can. Trust. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God. to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 He will heal you. “I have come that they may have life, and that may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10b Open your heart and let Him.

One of my children always finds hearts in unexpected places. Rocks, soaps, fabrics, food – she discovers them everywhere. She seems to pursue them on an unconscious level. Our Heavenly Father is actively in pursuit of hearts . 2 Chronicles 16:9 tells us, “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.”  Our Heavenly Father is seeking hearts turned toward Him . My child finds pleasure in seeking hearts for the sake of finding symbols of love. God delights in discovering those who depend on Him, whose hearts, minds, and souls are focused above, and no one, or nothing else . When Christ is not at the center of our heart, we cannot be receptive to God and will not shine Him in our words and actions . If the light is not in us, it cannot pour out of us. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.” Jeremiah 17:9-10 Only through surrendering to Christ can we have a heart that carries motives pleasing to God. My main concern with our culture today is the condition of the human heart . We live in a society so far from God, following the desires and moods of deceit . When we seek and find the Lord, He will shape our heart, our soul, into a new creation . He does this to refashion His people with value and enable us to become serviceable for Him . Without Him, our lives lose purpose . We have no joy, no hope. The ability to put others before ourselves is not found. Our society is eroding because of the focus of our hearts . We are bound by a stranglehold of selfishness, apathy, complacency, and desire . The key to breaking the power of our bondage to sin is to transform the status of our hearts through Christ. Though we obtain eternal life the moment we believe in, and profess Christ as Savior, we must allow Him to work through us as we grow in our relationship with Him. Moment by moment, day by day, we must allow Christ access to our hearts and minds so that we can experience the power of His promises and experience His transforming love.  So many profess to be Christians. The dictionary tells us that a Christian is “a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Christianity.” It also says, “relating to or professing Christianity or its teachings.” This is why there is such an epidemic of critical heart illness. We must focus on the true meaning of being Christians. It is incredibly deeper than the worldly definition. Are we truly followers of Christ? Once we have accepted Christ as Savior, as the leader of our life, we must humble ourselves to submit under Him. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 instructs, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” The Lord is to be the center of everything . In every day, in every thought and deed. Who we are and are becoming, what we think and do, our actions – all of it belongs to Him, and should honor and glorify Him . The mightiness of His glory, power, and promises will remarkably transform the lives of each of us who humble ourselves and obey Him. In turn, our world will change. Only He has the ability to love, judge, and transform any of us . Look Up . Not within . Not around . Make certain His heart abides in you . Be certain you know where your heart is abiding and what it is worshiping.

We all have stories. What we choose to do with them, or despite them, is our choice . Each of us battle problems. Some are more significant than what others face in that instant. Everyone lives through seasons of pain, loss, grief, hope, joy, and contentment . Where are you in this moment? Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 teaches us that: “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.” Time passes . Whether we desire it to or not . We cannot hold precious moments captive . Yet so many times we neglect to pause in the moment and simply thank God for the very second we are in . Each gift, and hardship, has been entrusted to us . Even affliction has a purpose . Our task is to fix our hearts and minds on Him alone, not what swirls around us . As we remind ourselves during difficult times, that this, too shall pass, we must train ourselves to do the same with precious moments. Nothing is guaranteed . Nothing lasts forever . Wise we are, when we live with open hands and hearts, and the realization that all of our life has been purposed for the second we are in . “For such a time as this,” is the mentality I strive to live by. It isn’t always easy, but I know Who to cling to . As we humble ourselves, and lift the very purpose of our joy and suffering to Him, we are led through authentic worship . We are mindful that our life is not about us . Annoyances and inconveniences become more tolerable, sometimes – even bright spots, when we wait expectantly to see what work God will do through them . Our hearts bow to our Lord and His promises . We submit to His and His authority. His good and perfect will. Though we may not understand. His eyes and heart direct ours, to experience and love, others more as He does . We are overtaken with indescribable joy and gratitude for this brief period of time we live in . Stories belong to each of us. Let’s allow the Master Mentor to craft an authentic tale in each of us, leaving a narrative documenting a life pointed to Him.

What does being humble mean to you? I’ve really had to examine the word. Actually, I’ve had to experience the meaning and purpose of the actions that define humility. The Bible tells us that God resists the proud and bestows grace on the humble . Yet we live in a world that pushes us to live in the opposite manner. Social media, advertisements, television, radio, our culture, our prideful self… we live in a “me first, I’m entitled society” that runs in opposition to what God commands . Even the definition of humble makes us want to run in the other direction: low or inferior in station or quality, of low birth station, cause to feel shame, and having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance, of low social, administrative, or political rank. Consider the opposite of humility. Prideful: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired. Everything we chase in this world leads us to desire to be prideful . Ephesians 4:2 tells us, “ Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love .” It’s easy to tell myself I live that way. But I can think of times I don’t show it. If my actions don’t consistently show it, I’m not really living it . The ability to live humbly isn’t something that comes naturally . Restraint is required to live in submission to God and others . “ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of the others .” Philippians 2:3-4 I’ve been blessed to receive visuals in my life that have helped me better experience and submit to God in this area. My daughters have special qualities that I pray I can nurture and allow God to bless . One daughter has a gentle and quiet spirit that has always submitted to others. For years she has held doors for strangers, without thanks. She allows others to go before us in lines. She gives others the benefit of the doubt. She doesn’t gossip. She shows respect to others. She humbles herself . Through conversations with her and observances of her, I know she is not doing these things because of low self-esteem, which our society leads us to believe. These acts of kindness for others are done because she is called to complete them . She is working to base her esteem on His value of her and others . My other daughter selflessly offers her best to others. If you are cold, she offers her blanket. If you are hungry, she gives you her food. If you are afraid, she comforts you. Her keen observance skills are always focused on others so that she may serve where she is needed. Life has not hardened her, although she has lived without. Instead, she focuses on humbling herself so that others may be lifted up . “ But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong .” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 When we lift up others before ourselves, we submit to the One who will carry us . It begins with each of us growing the desire to live humbly and to teach it to our children, grandchildren, or children under our influence. Then we extend the results of our humility to our family and friends, and the strangers we meet. Humility is part of being aware that we don’t want to be the person we were yesterday . Over time we will change our instincts and actions to live what we know to be true . Only flowing waters can change the course of nature. Our actions cause reactions that will be blessed by the One who commands them . “ Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that He will lift you up in His own good time. Leave all your worries with Him, because He cares for you .” 1 Peter 5:6-7

For years, I worked incredibly hard on chasing my dream of becoming a published fiction writer. I completed several manuscripts in the mainstream and romance categories. Then I felt a stirring in my spirit that I knew came from God. He was calling me to give up writing; to give my desire to Him. He began taking the aspiration away. It wasn’t His plan for me . What I began doing instead was devoting more time to Him . Oh, I already knew and followed Him, but now I began doing so in earnes t. I read my Bible through a few times and began listening intently to the new stirrings He placed in my soul. They were the same ones He was placing in my husband . Only God can simultaneously plant seeds in the minds of a husband and wife . We both suddenly knew we had a baby waiting for us. Our little girl was halfway across the world in China. We had no idea whether she was born yet. We had no knowledge of how to adopt internationally. No outside factors matter when you step out in faith . God is in the details . His timing is perfect . His beauty surpasses the expectations we set . Oh, how I love Jesus . I never knew He had a plan for us that was the opposite of what I thought I’d ever want . Yet it fit me so perfectly . We already had two bio children, and we loved them fiercely, but had no plans of starting over once they were raised. God did . “ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts .” Isaiah 55:8, 9 God had big plans . His ways are higher . Oh, how I love Jesus . He began showing me ways to improve myself; how to carve a deeper my walk with Him. He filled my heart with intentional thoughts of how to raise my child to know, love, honor, and obey Him. He humbled me where my spirit needed it. So that I could bow in reverence and help others do the same. I had known and loved the Lord for years, but now Jesus penetrated me in a much deeper way . New purpose was set in me and my deepest desire in life was to love my daughter to Jesus and to try to reflect Him to others as much as I could . One intentional step at a time . Oh, how I love Jesus . Life is so hard. “ Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. ”  James 1:2-4 The hardest years of my life have been the last ten. We have been hit in many ways, one after another. Yet, those years have brought me even closer to the One who completes me . All the burdens and hardships have grown my roots even deeper . The deeper root length has penetrated soil to reach intense nourishment. Sweet blessings have also been born through the pain . I’ve often pondered a thought. Without losing my oldest daughter, our first child, would I have had the faith to step out to adopt again? Knowing the child He placed on our heart had a shortened life expectancy, would I have possessed the courage to look death in the eye and press forward ? Only through God . Our second daughter from China came with a heart condition that would only respond to palliative care. Only God knows how many years we have with her. All our days are numbered . I was the mother who grieved for others who lost children. I knew losing a child would be the worst thing that could happen to me. But through our deep loss, I internalized a truth . The worst thing that could ever happen to me would be to lose God . Because of Jesus, that will never happen . I knew that the Lord carried me through the first loss. He is more than able to carry me through anything . In fact, He yearns to carry us all . In every way . Every moment. Every day . Oh, how I love Jesus . How He loves us. How He loves you . Now God has filled me with new ideas for Him. He has given me back the writing I offered to Him. He has a plan . My prayer is that I continue growing and reflecting Him more each day . I never want to be the person I am today when I wake up tomorrow. Through Him, I will continue maturing . So will you . Oh, how I love Jesus . Because He first loved me.

Today I’m tired. Actually, the weariness started last night. It still lingers this morning. As I push myself to get things done before my girls wake up, I realize that sometimes we need to be tired. Sometimes we need rest. Those words are hard to say. They’re even harder to hear. I have a vision. I know God has a plan. I’m trying to bring it to fruition. While still doing everything else. At least I’m trying to do everything else at the same time. My house is messier than I can usually tolerate. I’m not progressing as quickly as I’d like to with my goal. But my children have my attention. They have my time. I’m digging deeper into my Bible studies. I still feel peace . It’s easy to say God comes first, then, family. But it’s impossible to prioritize that way without intentionality . It doesn’t just happen. We have to crave it . Desire and wisdom get it done. This tiredness that feels like a cloak over my shoulders this morning is an incredible opportunity to hit my knees at the very beginning of the day. With a new request. My usual morning prayers of thankfulness for the day, for God to guide and time my day, praise for food, for quiet time, and all the other things I routinely thank Him for, are not enough today. I thank Him for speaking to me in a new way. I am reminded that without Him I am nothing . I certainly feel it today. I recognize my need for His strength even more . This is my day to draw Him nearer. I am listening more closely for a message He might be sending me. I believe that God speaks to us in many ways. We have to be ready. We have to want to hear. What is God telling you today? What is He whispering in a new way? Don’t allow the distractions of this world interfere or intercept what God is telling you. Sometimes our Heavenly Father whispers . We need to be willing to listen . Willing to hear . We need to allow vulnerability and humility to bow us to His desires. Faith and obedience need to be the driving force behind our goals and plans . Being tired is sometimes a good thing. I’m resting and listening , God. Tell me, show me, fill me more . “My soul finds rest in God alone.” Psalm 62:1b

One of the best works God has done in me is to give me the opportunity to be a mother. Even more glory is given to Him as I mother a child with “special needs.” It has helped to reinforce the truth that we all have special needs. “ For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they were all written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them .” Psalm 139:13-16 My precious child was formed in every way by the knowledge and loving care of our God. Nothing about her is a surprise. Nothing is a mistake. There is nothing about her that is less than or incorrect. He is sufficient for all her needs. The same applies to you and me. We all have various needs. I treasure all the ways I have been able to reach and teach my child. She is brilliant and kind and loving and trusting. But due to life circumstances, she had a very hard start. Just like others have. Yet, she has been through so much physically and emotionally. She has been deprived spiritually. But He always provides . That doesn’t mean the road is easy . For some it is long and difficult. But I know the same truths apply to everyone is this world. I know that it has been through the strength of my Heavenly Father that joy continues to grow. Each day brings new depths to what He is changing and creating in her. In me. He created her. He created me. He created you. He works through me to give her what she needs and when I move out of His way, He also equips me to give her what she wants . She may be mine now, but she is His forever . Although I am not perfect, I crave r aising her for Him . I know that everything in her life will affect her character. It all affects her eternity. My hands and more importantly, my heart, hold the power to allow God’s intimate influence and provision to reach my child . I do not have to possess the answers to anything. I simply have to live with a heart for Him and a desire to allow Him to flow through me as I seek Him in all things . We were not created to live life solo. We were created for communion . With each other. And most of all, with God. Mental, physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual communion is waiting for each of us through Him. “ Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know .” Jeremiah 33:3

I don’t spend as much time outdoors as I should. When I was young, I was outside a lot, playing, riding my bicycle, building forts in the woods, and swimming. I think most children have an innate sense of what they need. We were healthier and happier when left to explore and grow our minds and bodies in nature. As I got older, I spent less time outdoors. If it was hot, I didn’t want to get sweaty. If it was cold, I wanted to be where it was warm! If it was windy, I didn’t want my hair to get messed up. The best outdoor times for me as I matured were when I had little ones to play with and take to the park. Now that I homeschool, my best times are nature walks or play times at the pool. When we spend time outdoors, something in our spirit opens up. Stress is relieved, creativity blossoms, and our emotions are stimulated, allowing us to be more open to the nature around us, which enables us to accept others into “our space.” We are more open to opening us and sharing with others. As we experience nature, we are unconsciously connecting to a higher source. God is inherently present. As we pause to allow our minds and bodies to absorb the peace and energy of nature, our spirit is automatically drawn to Him. God gives us an important reminder. He prepares us to listen. Jeremiah 7:13 says, “ While you were doing all these things, declares the Lord, I spoke to you again and again, but you did not listen; I called to you, but you did not answer. ” Growing our walk and relationship with God takes effort, just like any human relationship does. As we develop bonds with those we care for on earth, we study them, spend time with them, talk to them, and listen to them. The same applies to God. So often people want to know Him or grow in Him, but we don’t invest the time. If we don’t feel like our relationship or understanding is developing, maybe we need to focus on something else. Listening. “ Psalm 46:10a “ Be still, and know that I am God .”

It’s been almost ten years since my oldest daughter passed away.  I remember one of her friends asking me how we had such a close relationship when she was growing up. He had a young daughter and wanted to ensure he was intentionally creating actions that would give him a better chance of developing a lasting relationship with her.  The best answer I could give in that moment was “joy.” I thought back to the special moments in our life; the moments we shared laughter and inside jokes. I remembered the times we had disagreements. I felt that the one constant I could claim was that I tried to show her joy in my eyes and body language when she entered a room. It’s the same practice I use with my second set of children, my adult son, and his young son.  One of the best messages, the best feeling, that we can convey to others, especially those we care deeply for, is to show them that they matter. If we express joy when loved ones come into our presence, we are allowing them to be cherished without a word. If eyes are the windows to our soul, what we show them through the way we look at them, will last. We will draw them near to us or push them away.  James 1:2-3 says, “ Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance .”  How we allow our inner thoughts and emotions to construct our actions, especially in times of stress or worry, affects every bit of our lives. As we control our mind through our relationship with the Lord (allowing Him to work through us), we are able to identify areas in which we need to grow and mature. Through trials, our faith grows and deepens, if we allow it to. When our faith has deepened and matured, we are able to focus on others more than ourselves. Joy will reside in us despite circumstances. We are able to release it to flow out to others.  James 1:4 says, “ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything .” When we are not lacking, those around us will not be lacking, either. James 1:5 continues, “ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you .”  Our children and our loved ones are precious to God. He loved them first. He created them. He knew they would be in our family. He knew the temperaments and disagreements we would have. He knew the love and laughter, the fun and similarities we would share.  Because I homeschool my second set of children, I understood even more clearly why I need to be on my knees daily .  It is so immensely important to me to teach each child the way God created them to learn. It is imperative that I foster love and joy as we work together to draw them to Him and to myself so that we create and maintain lasting relationships in both areas.  Without wisdom, I cannot do any of the things I desire. Through prayer and studying God’s word, I can ask for and receive the wisdom I need to guide and strengthen me and keep me focused and ready to allow God to carry the load and enable me to shine joy. Everything begins with my desire and intentional actions to include and honor God and seek His wisdom. It gives me joy. Enough to spread. Tonight I asked one of my daughters how she knows I love her. The first answer she gave was, “I know you love me by the way you look at me.”  May it always be so.